1. If you pay for memberships to porn sites. Most porny people just use search engines or blogs for their “material.” But if you find yourself paying for, say, two three or more memberships per month, you might want to think carefully about your life choices.

2. When you’re done masturbating and pop open a Netflix tab to watch something real, there’s a lingering tab or five in the background that you forgot to X out. Porn addicts have so many tabs open that they are able to seamlessly navigate between them.

3. The only way you can have sex is if you do it like a porn star. Everything you learned about sex you got from a porn.

4. Everybody has sex pics, and some people even have sex videos. But you really like to film your IRL sexual encounters and upload them to your XTube channel.

5. You know porn stars by name. Everything is OK by moderation, but if you can rocket off the names and careers of like 25 porn stars, I don’t know about it my friend!

6. You need to have porn on when you have sex.

7. Or you need to imagine porn to get off. In the course of your IRL sex acts you are like talking dirty to yourself like you’re in a porn and that helps you get off.

8. If you can’t go days without masturbating to porn, because masturbation isn’t really about masturbation or getting off. It’s about finding an excuse to watch porn.

9. You use porn as that little golden carrot to power you through projects and studying and writing papers. “I will do one more problem set, then I will masturbate.” That or you procrastinate your work so you can watch porn.

10. If you have ever downloaded porn to a mobile device (an iPad, a smart phone) to watch coyly on a long trip somewhere.

11. If you’ve mastered the art of masturbating and watching porn when your roommates are home without them figuring it out.

12. If you can’t WAIT until Thursday or what have you because a new _________ video is out.

13. You’re afraid of taking your computer to the Apple Store or a computer technician because, inevitably, whatever problems you’re having with your computer right now it’s because of the porn.

14. The entirety of your gigabyte usage on your computer is swallowed up by porn. You have used up so much space on your computer hard drive that you’re now forced to keep your material on the backup hard drive. How is it possible for you to have 50GB of porn, you ask yourself.