1) When you have people over for dinner you inist they use coasters. You can’t have people spilling Corona on your good shit — even if it’s not that awesome.
2) The world would be a greater place if people just did things your way from the beginning, ugh.
3) Control freaks love saying “I told you so.”
4) You’re the person who sends food back when it doesn’t meet your exact specifications. I was at my favorite restaurant in Brooklyn recently when some lady in the joint told the server, “Excuse me. I’m going to need more brown rice. This is not enough.” Translation: You fucking idiot. You KNOW this isn’t enough rice. Shame on you.
5) If you use online dating sites and refuse to respond to people less attractive than you think you are. ATTENTION, FIVES, A TEN IS SPEAKING.
6) You insist on everybody being on time, even though you are usually late and you expect people to just deal with your lateness, obvi.
7) You get a rejection letter from a job or a school but just like, whatever. It’s their fault they didn’t take you. One day they’ll be sorry!
8) You don’t really love working in groups, but when you HAVE to, it’s your way or the highway. The rest of these idiots don’t know what they’re doing.
9) You get angry at inanimate objects like computers or cellphones. When the Internet stops working in your apartment or if you get the dreaded color wheel of death on your Mac, your first response is rage. You beat the thing senseless because doing so will teach it a lesson. It will never misbehave again.
10) Even though you can dish out the criticism, you can’t STAND being criticized yourself.
11) There’s a laundry list of things you don’t “do.”
12) You take detailed notes and over-plan everything. You never say “no” because control freaks are superheroes who can do anything all at once.
13) You expect people to know you so well that they already know what you’re thinking, so you get mad when they can’t read your mind.
14) In college you were that student who wasn’t afraid to tell the professor when s/he was wrong. OMG PLS DON’T DO THIS.
15) You hold sex over people because you want something from them.
16) Ultimately, though, you’re just afraid of failure, especially when it isn’t your fault.