38. She laughed at me when I said I wanted more sex.
“I’ve been married around 12 years. Married at 19, house, 2 kids, nice cars. Not wealthy but our household income is over 100k. So we don’t starve. Sex hasn’t ever really been great. I joke she’s done it at least twice. After our second I took a hardcore back seat to pretty much everything. I would work 12-14 hours then coach youth soccer like she asked. A few months ago, I had enough. I told her I wanted to have sex more and it had really been bothering me. I didn’t feel wanted and I felt rejected. So, she laughed and said…you can always get yourself off. It didn’t sit well with me. I packed a bag that week and left. I’ve been gone now, 1.5 months. One of the better decisions I’ve made. I’ve saved a ton of money and have been really able to reflect on life. She suddenly is all about making me happy though. Maybe because daddy war bucks is gone. I have a hard time placing it. But she struggles from low self-image. I was understanding for a long time. But if I can work myself to death doing what she asks…she doesn’t need to laugh at my wants.”
39. Due to physical problems she doesn’t enjoy sex, so it feels like I’m raping her.
“Well, it’s a bit of a sore spot for me if I’m being honest. I love my wife, but due to medication and other physical problems she doesn’t enjoy sex. In fact, because of her germ problems it sort of disgusts her. Her body will respond very well, but mentally she can’t get into it and doesn’t enjoy it. So it basically felt like I was raping her, which isn’t so fun (I have a darker side and that sort of thing pushes me closer than I’d like to falling down that hole again). So I try not to bring it up, but due to my past choices and my libido running at the speed of a Ferrari, if I don’t have sex at least every day it causes me physical pain. It’s been about five months, and she’s getting upset with me for how distant I seem. So I try and do things to remind her I love her, like buy her flowers once a month, make her gifts, wrote her poetry/stories, etc. I even managed to snag tickets to the premiere of beauty and the beast. It’s something I have to deal with on my side and she has to deal with on hers. I wish I could help her, but I can’t. So there’s the basics of it.”
40. She has never had a sex drive and when we do have sex, it’s the same script every time.
“I’ve been married for 18 years. I tell her I want to break up about every 3 years or so but she convinces me to try again. We get on okay outside of the bedroom but not great and have never had a sex life to speak of. I would guess we have sex maybe every 4-6 weeks (I masturbate typically at least once a day).
She has never had a sex drive and when we do have sex, it’s the same script every time (I go down on her while she lies there until she coums, then she lies there while I stick it in until I cum). She has no interest in trying anything else and refuses to even consider offering me oral as she considers it ‘dirty.’ I can’t even begin to tell you at 40 years old, how curious I am about what a BJ would feel like.
I am and have always been a super unattractive guy, she is the only one who would sleep with me at all, so it’s not even a case where I could leave and find someone new, it’s really where I just get so weary of the relationship I’d rather live the rest of my life alone than with her.
She is very attached to me (she loves me deeply, I know this) and whenever I try to break up with her it is just devastating to her and I don’t have the heart to go through with it.
I’ve read ‘too good to leave, too bad to stay’ and if you think of it as a 10-point scale where 1 is, ‘LEAVE! GET OUT NOW!’ and 10 is, ‘You need this relationship, cling to it forever,’ then I’m at a 4, ready to leave but she’s at a 9 and desperately needs the relationship to continue.
Despite lack of bedroom stuff, I love her and just can’t bring myself to do that to her.
Honestly, it’s reached a point now where I’m just waiting for my parents to pass on. Once they’re gone I plan to leave my wife, travel somewhere they don’t know me and just end it (I haven’t decided yet whether to go somewhere like South America where I can find the right drugs and an unvisited part of the forest and just disappear or whether to go to a certain country in Europe where you can pay about $8-$10k and they’ll end your life for you legally in a hospital).”