35. Anytime I tried to initiate sex she showed the biggest lack of interest imaginable to the point it felt like I was feeling up a shop dummy.
“Been with my wife for 11 years (3 of those married)
In the last year, she has started holding my hand less, giving less enthusiastic cuddles, proper kisses are nonexistent, it’s just quick pecks on the lips or cheeks. Anytime I try to give her a proper cuddle I can physically feel her pulling away and not wanting a close cuddle or kiss. Our sex life used to be great, we did a lot of things, i.e., toys, naked texts, oral (now only I do that) and other bits and pieces but that generally slowed down to sex 3 times a week to 3 times a month and this continued till our child was born 7 months ago.
The first four months were great, she wanted sex more, was frisky and was more physical. Then it just stopped all of a sudden. She hardly gives me a kiss or a hug now. Anytime I tried to initiate sex she showed the biggest lack of interest imaginable to the point it felt like I was feeling up a shop dummy. It’s now been two months without any proper intimacy, and I just don’t know what to do.”
36. Because I hate myself.
“Because I hate myself. She is beautiful and makes it clear that she wants me, but I can’t understand why she would. I guess I picked a good time to have a migraine since I’m wearing sunglasses while I write this. Hope I can change someday before she’s gone.”
371. About five or six years ago sex had become a sterile function.
“Been together 18 years. She’s always been vanilla, I’m, we’ll, Zapp Brannigan. Game for anything, but never any real chances. About five or six years ago sex had become a sterile function.
I go down on her, she has an orgasm, I have to wait it out (literally cockblocked), get in, give her another orgasm, get my own before she dismounts me (or just tells me to finish). Sunday nights, only after she takes a shower. Wants lotion beforehand. It all sounds pretty big and sensual, but it was mechanical as hell.
With the start of some ED, (I can get it up but not sustain if no proper stimulus is applied) I got sick of it. It was crushing to have this thing that was such a part of my inner self, if not a part of reality, to just be so unknowable. After a while I would try every couple months, but it was just maintenance. I was pulling away from her and shutting down emotionally.
Then I met a great girl, gamer like I am, dirty humor, intelligent and drop-dead gorgeous. Way out of my league. It wasn’t long before we were having deep conversations. And God did I get hard over her.
There was a point where I said ‘fuck it.’ And went for the gold. She knew I was married, we even had plans on trying to bring my wife into it. (Did I mention vanilla, like off brand diluted vanilla?)
I told her I wanted to be her lover, and after 4 months, I had the first totally turned on, rampaging sex in years.
As you might have guessed, she was a little more damaged goods than stable. I’d say we got about 6 good months in before she started getting all weird about something I said or did. She was actually trying to ‘ice’ me out (something she said she did to others, hindsight’s 20/20 and all that) when I got a patch of bumps on the side of my penis. HSV 2, it turns out.
Last I spoke to her was to let her know, before she stopped all communication.
Q&A Yes, my wife knows I have it. No, she doesn’t know about her. The time with my girlfriend was the best I’ve been to my wife. Not guilty nice, it was an entire weight between us gone. When I had to confess, wife has not tested positive yet, and now I’m fully celibate.
We came to an agreement (more like I explained to her) that she never was as interested in it as I was, and she was fully capable of going without—amply proven throughout our marriage). I had made my bed I’m lying in it. I don’t tell her how much I’ve lost of what makes me, me. I do my best now to show her affection, but simply avoid any sexuality.”