1. Even when it doesn’t take forever, it still feels like it’s taking forever.
“Even when it doesn’t take forever, it still feels like it’s taking forever. How long have I been doing this for? Forty minutes? No? It’s only been 10? Well, in blowjob minutes, that’s like an hour and a half, so I stand by my original point.”
2. If I never suck another dick again, I definitely won’t miss it.
“If I never suck another dick again, I definitely won’t miss it.”
3. The taste and the smell are unbearable.
“I hate giving head. It’s not from lack of trying, though! The taste and the smell are unbearable, even if my boyfriend’s just stepped straight out of the shower! Just thinking about it makes me retch.”
4. It makes me want to throw up.
“It makes me want to throw up so I never do it, much to my boyfriend’s dissatisfaction. I try to find other ways of satisfying him, like using my hands.”
5. Too physically demanding.
“I generally don’t like it. Too physically demanding. Gag reflex, etc.”
6. It triggers off PTSD and makes me feel very uncomfortable.
“I too dislike giving head. It triggers off PTSD and makes me feel very uncomfortable. There is rare occasions like once every year I do feel like doing it usually when I’m very drunk and comfortable with the guy. I find it a little silly when guys are like…well I’m not going down on you then. I just move on if that’s the case. I have many other sexual skills that others don’t so bjs…not a big deal.”
7. I can’t stop visualizing it as a penis sneezing in my mouth.
“I don’t mind blowjobs, but swallowing is just the worst. I can’t stop visualizing it as a penis sneezing in my mouth. I am not really that keen on tasting other people’s body fluids.”
8. Some of them will definitely end up wedged in sad little sperm graveyards between your teeth.
“He finishes. (Which is just a nice way of saying that he explodes 1 billion little wriggly sperm into your mouth, which immediately begin gasping for air, racing towards an egg they’ll never find). Grouped together, they have the consistency of warm snot and the taste of broken dreams. And it doesn’t matter whether you spit or swallow; some of them will definitely end up wedged in sad little sperm graveyards between your teeth.”
9. ‘I love you and, although committed to our mutual satisfaction, would prefer not to suck you off anymore.’
“I told my boyfriend of eight months that I hate giving head. We were past the early stage of our relationship—the part where girls will do anything to appear low—maintenance, casual, and DTF—and we’d even the dropped the L bomb. If there was ever a time to be honest, this was it.
What sounded totally rational in my head—‘I love you and, although committed to our mutual satisfaction, would prefer not to suck you off anymore’—received a less than gracious response. The conversation turned into an instant negotiation in which we both probed the other on the various aspects of sex that mattered to us.
First on the list? If he wasn’t getting any, he wasn’t giving any. (He was pretty terrible at cunnilingus in the first place, so I could get on board with this.) But unfortunately, the conversation only went south from here. My boyfriend couldn’t get past the idea that hating blow jobs didn’t mean hating sex, and seemed to feel he was signing up for a lifetime of blue balls and late nights in front of the computer screen. It was apparent that he, too, identified fellatio as the beacon of a sexually liberal woman—like some sort of slutty bat signal.”
10. I fucking hate it. I’ve never enjoyed cramming a penis in my mouth.
“I don’t suck dick. That’s the deal, plain and simple. I know this statement is sure to enrage heaps of men, and even women, who consider blowjobs a mandatory part of anyone’s sexual repertoire. I totally get that. Here’s the thing, though: I fucking hate it. I’ve never enjoyed cramming a penis in my mouth. Now, before you go and report me to the MRA, I want to clarify that this does not at all mean I hate penises. I don’t think they are ugly, or gross. The standard penis has quite a practical and sleek design, which I greatly admire. As much as I love my vagina and all its parts, I do often find myself jealous of how worry—free the penis seems to be. If you tried talking to a penis about daily discharge, menstruation, pH balance, or pap smears, the penis would have nothing to say in return. Mostly because it’s a penis, and penises can’t talk, but also because it doesn’t have to deal with these things. Not only that, but it doesn’t even require a wipe after urination. Kudos to you, penis. All I’m saying is that I despise the act of putting one in my mouth, and forcing my mouth to partake in the motions my hand or vagina could perform instead.”
11. I honestly don’t want your genitals in my mouth.
“I am not a fan of giving oral sex. I hate it. A lot of guys just expect it. I honestly don’t want your genitals in my mouth. Especially if the guy is one of those ones who push the head down and try to force you. Never works. However, I have come across two guys, and two only, that I have had absolutely no problem doing it for. It usually means I’m very, very, very into them.”
12. I can’t stand them!
“I can’t stand them! I know guys love them though. I think it’s probably the feel and size of my partner’s penis that puts me off. He’s massive!”
13. I find that degrading and not very romantic.
“My boyfriend often insists that I head south of his belt, so sometimes I’ll force myself because I know he likes it but I feel like an object and I find that degrading and not very romantic.”
14. I don’t like facial ejaculation and nobody’s going to force me to endure it.
“I don’t like facial ejaculation and nobody’s going to force me to endure it. It’s my body and I find that sort of thing too degrading!”
15. I always end up gagging and ruining the moment.
“I hate blowjobs… it’s not the act exactly, it’s just that I can’t do the deep throat thing and I always end up gagging and ruining the moment. My husband loves it though so I try and use my hands and just put my mouth round the tip—it’s just about bearable. ”
16. The taste of sweat grosses me out. Hair in my mouth grosses me out.
“I hate it because I have a very weak gag reflex. Semen in my mouth grosses me out. The taste of sweat grosses me out. Hair in my mouth grosses me out. I’ve never had a partner who understood this (I’m okay with oral as foreplay, and on MY terms) so most of my experiences have been bad. I’ve also never been in a relationship where I get anything back, which makes me a little resentful, because if I’m shoving your dick in my mouth, can’t you at least return the favor with a little tongue action?”
17. It’s no fun telling a guy that I do not enjoy putting their gonad central in my mouth.
“I have never liked giving blow jobs. Long before I ever tried one I knew innately it was something that did not turn me one. Twenty—two years of being sexually active has not changed my mind. There are lots of other sexual activities that I enjoy, that totally turn me on to the nth degree. But putting a penis in my mouth is not one of them. Do I wish I liked it? YES. It would make my sexual life that much more fun and easy. It’s no fun telling a guy that I do not enjoy putting their gonad central in my mouth. On the other end of the oral sex spectrum, I love receiving cunnilingus from guys. But I don’t expect it. There are lots of guys who don’t enjoy going down on women. And you know what? That’s okay. I really wish all guys would have the same attitude about fellatio.”
18. Can’t handle it. Too many smells, too many fluids.
“My OCD will not let me perform oral. not on anyone. guys, girls, anyone in between. no. no. can’t handle it. too many smells, too many fluids. but for whatever reason my fiancé still likes performing oral on me, which makes me feel guilty in a very confused way, like—he ENJOYS it so I should not stop him (I don’t object to it!) but I’m not EVER going to reciprocate, so is that right or just at all? it’s been seven years, so i guess he really must legitimately enjoy it even though he really, really gets that I’m really, really not ever going to reciprocate, but that weird guilt is still there.”
19. Yucko! Gag. Grody to the max.
“Ewwww! I hate giving bj’s. Uh uh. Nope. No way Jay. Everyone has their own sexual likes and dislikes. That doesn’t make you an oddball prude. That’s normal. I’m not fan of men’s junk and I definitely want nothing to do with the stuff that comes out of it. Yucko! Gag. Grody to the max. But….other women love all things peen. Go figure. ; ) Just do what you enjoy and don’t worry about what anyone else likes, says, or thinks. I’m grossed out just seeing or hearing the term “blow jobs.” That term conjures up all kinds of blergh—y grossness for me. Partially because of the act itself and partially because of the people that LOVE to use it (and probably coined it). Like rape—culture dudebros and mainstream misogynist porn.”
20. No one is worth almost throwing up over.
“It’s not at all newsworthy to get a bit in your eye: we know all about that. Eyes, hair, face, mouth, we’ve had it all. Going down on a guy is not exactly a treat. Porn may say otherwise, but honestly, getting your hair stuck together with semen right before I’m supposed to go out is not a good look. Cameron Diaz may not have been phased by it in There’s Something About Mary, but I am.
In my experience the thing boys always complain about is how going down on a girl doesn’t taste good. I feel as a bisexual girl I have some kind of balanced opinion on this: It’s a vagina. It’s not going to taste like strawberries or mangoes, it’s going to taste like a vagina….Actually, it doesn’t taste half as bad as a guy’s cum (which is pretty awful). The pineapple juice myth is a lie, it’s always awful, and swallowing makes me gag and retch. There always seemed to be this unspoken rule about having to swallow cum (for some reason), and despite it almost making you feel like you were about to throw up afterwards, you still did it. It wasn’t until I grew up a bit and realised that it didn’t matter if it wasn’t ‘sexy’” to swallow, I wasn’t doing it. No one is worth almost throwing up over.”
21. Playing the flute isn’t fun.
“Playing the flute isn’t fun. ‘They don’t call it a job for nothing.’ To any men reading this, I invite you to take a banana, and leaving the skin on it, stick it into your mouth. Make sure your lips are covering your teeth, and keep them wet enough to slide down the surface of the banana easily. Shove it as far into your mouth as you possibly can without gagging. Now shove it in farther. Kind of hard to breathe, right? Now start sucking. I promise if you continue for a few minutes, you’ll be in some serious jaw pain. That is what taking a giggle stick to the mouth feels like—except imagine it with someone’s hand on your head and the pressure to make sexy eyes. It’s not pleasant. ”
22. That shot be so nasty and freaky.
“That shot be so nasty and freaky I won’t never do that for lots of money.”