1. The beach.
“Remember that Seinfeld episode where Kramer wanted to market a perfume that smells like the beach? Well, scientists could take tissue samples from my girlfriend’s vagina in order to develop that perfume. It’s a very pleasant mixture of sand and salt and seaweed and just a tiny whiff of marine life. I’m making it sound worse than it is, because I love the beach.”
2. STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM.
And I lap it up until it’s running down my chin!
“She tastes like sliced ham on Thanksgiving. I mean, exactly like sliced ham on Thanksgiving. It’s almost like she steals a slice of ham every Thanksgiving and tucks it up inside her just to maintain the taste. From time to time, I can even catch a taste of pineapple and cloves in there.”
4. Raisins and wine.
“Some guys don’t like to go down on women, and trust me, there’ve been a few in my past whose hygiene habits made it an extremely unrewarding experience, but my current girlfriend tastes so good, she’d be a billionaire if she could bottle the taste. Imagine someone took a bottle of the sweetest, richest red wine, tossed a couple dozen juicy raisins into it, sealed it, and let it ferment in a dusty, cobwebby French attic for a couple generations. That’s what she tastes like. Mmm-mmm-good!”
5. Puppy breath.
“She tastes like when a puppy is kissing you. Best taste in the world.”