Serious victim complex. “I’m just sooo nice but everyone else is mean to me for no reason. I’m such a good person and they treat me like shit, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Everyone runs away from me and no one gets me. Except for you.”
If they’re “proud to be a bitch.”
People who complain that everyone they interact with is an asshole.
If they don’t want you to have friends other than them.
Never trust someone who is willing to tell you their life story when first meeting them.
When you first meet them and they tell you about all their mental illnesses and all of the medications they’re taking.
People who gossip/talk bad about others to you.
Anyone that talks about how nice they are is never actually nice. My ex would always talk about what a nice guy he was. He turned out to be pretty much the exact opposite of nice.
Apparently my stepdad could tell from the first time he met the guy but didn’t tell me until after the relationship ended.
When they say they are crazy, believe them.
Seriously, it’s not rare that a crazy/abusive person will actually tell you that they are. Yet we never believe them… “Haha you’re not.” Yes. They. Are.
It’s very simple: When people tell you who they are, believe them.
If they act like a coward, they are one. If they lie, they are a liar. If they treat you or anyone else like abject shit, they are an asshole.
If they come out and say, “I am an asshole/liar/jerk.” then for God’s sake believe them. We know ourselves best and in my 41 years I have yet to meet a person who described themselves in a negative way who wasn’t absolutely fucking right.
Having an “I’m an asshole/smartass and I know it, deal with it” attitude.
The first thing out of their mouth when you meet. If they come off saying something like “I’m a vegan,” “I’m an atheist,” “I’m a feminist,” etc., it’s likely that will dominate the conversation. I had that happen to me with all three. The Vegan I canceled our date on an hour in when she wouldn’t shut up. The Atheist had nothing else to talk about and I got sick of it and walked out on her in the restaurant, left her with the bill. By the time I met the Feminist I’d learned my lesson and walked away leaving her at the bar after we just shook hands.
“I’m so glad I met you! I tried to kill myself after my last break up but now I’ve met you I have something to live for!” -an ex of mine.
Someone who talks/brags about money within minutes.
15. The Killjoy.
If they have no sense of humor. Seriously cannot stress how awkward it is when you smile and laugh and it gets ignored. And I’m not just being weird and telling really bad jokes and stories. Flat out serious people are so unfriendly, it’s off-putting.
People who treat animals badly.
People who say they like animals more than people.
Also, people who use the phrase “fur kids”. If you can stick it in a crate at night without breaking the law, it’s not a child.
Anyone who hates cats, or animals, with a passion. Cats can be assholes, true, but the kind of person who blusters on about the “only good cat being a dead cat” is likely to score highly on the Dickhead’O’Meter.
19. The Herd Animal.
People who always need people around them. People who can’t ever be alone freak me out.
The thing I hear a lot recently that sends warning bells to me is “You can’t say ANYTHING nowadays without offending someone! You can’t even say hello!” Uh, maybe the problem is you then.
21. The Big Meanie.
Anybody who immediately makes personal jokes about other people.
I tend to judge people on how they treat people who have no real meaning to them. That is: waiters, sales associates, etc. If they are assholes to total strangers it means they’re assholes to everyone.
23. The Pusher.
Not being able to take “no” for an answer. If someone tries to push you into little, stupid things constantly, they’re not going to respect you on the big things, either.
Their religion and/or political affiliation is the focal point of their identity.
“As a Blank I feel…”
Trying to use being gay/not straight as a cool card. My ex, whenever me and my friends discuss sexuality, always stated out of the blue “I’m bi-curious, as if it was the coolest thing in the world. Listen hun, no one gives a shit.
If they say they were “just testing you” when they do something that annoys you/pisses you off.
Somebody who points out flaws in everything around them.
“I just speak my mind and people can’t handle hearing the truth.”
I nope my way from these nutty bastards.
How they treat waiters, bartenders, and just people of service in general. If I’m shopping with you and you’re a cunt to the salesperson I’m going to say something to you. Unless of course the salesperson is a cunt first.
“Communism hasn’t ever really been tried, so it still may work.”
That’s a red flag that that person is not very smart.
“I don’t hang out with girls—they’re sooOOOoO dramatic/slash/I’m not about drama at all.”
OOOKAY crazy pants. Stay away from me.
Anyone wearing a fedora.
A chainsaw dripping blood.
That, and a fedora.
I like friendly people as much as anyone, but when someone is overly friendly it is a red flag to me. All to often I have encountered people who are overly friendly at first, but soon become hostile, and their hostility is as over the top as their friendliness. My theory is that they are narcissists and that they lure people in with fake sweetness.
Also, any sign of narcissism.
People who complain about not getting respect. It’s like why tell me? If I want to respect you I will.
“Feminists” with double standards and contradicting moral concepts regarding men and women.
38. The Hi-IQ Idiot.
They start by telling you their IQ.
39. The Interrupter.
Interrupters. my ex and her whole family were all interrupters.
40. The Violent One.
If said person expresses a tendency for violence, even if not towards you, watch out for him/her.
I can’t take you seriously if you call other people ‘sheep’ or brag by saying things like “Most people do X, but I do Y.” People who feel the need to convince others they’re smart are bad enough. People who feel the need to convince others they’re smart by talking about how most others are not smart are usually the biggest idiots you’ll ever meet.
42. The One-Upper.
Pretty common, but the one-uppers. If I bring up that I have a head cold, they have to talk about some rare illness that laid them out for two weeks one time. If I’m tired, they have to bring up how they only got 4 hours of sleep last night. If I beat a game, they have to talk about how easy the game was and how they beat in four hours. Everything doesn’t have to be a contest, dude. Chill out.
When they start describing themselves based on their astrological sign then ask you what your sign is and every time you do something they’re just like “Oh my god, you’re SUCH a (insert sign here)!
44. The Adult Child.
Adult women who call their parents “mommy” or “daddy.”
Cornrows. Regardless of race. If you wear cornrows I immediately trust you less.
46. The Tuff Guy.
Anyone who brags about how tough they are. The toughest people I have ever met won’t say a word about it.
Watch how they treat people in the service industry. If they’re really rude, condescending, etc.—stay away.
Also, how they treat minorities.
If you meet someone for the first time, and they immediately start 1. Complaining about their life – if someone starts doing this with someone they don’t know at all – immediate red flag – what do they say to people they are close with? 2. Talking about other behind their back – if someone starts shit-talking people to someone they just met, they will DEFINITELY talk shit you when you’re not around, and they’re just stupid.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst….”. this always ends in pain.