woman holding two sparklers

This Is Me Saying Goodbye To 2020

Goodbye, 2020. You were not what I expected.

You barged into my life so swiftly that I was left reeling. One moment I was wrapped in my safe cocoon and dreaming of the year I was supposed to have, and the next instance, I was yanked out of my comfort zone and flung unprepared into the maze of adversity and uncertainty ahead. I had hoped for an easy year where all the stars aligned and my dreams came true. Instead, you gave me a year that tested my strength and resilience, where all I could do was try to survive day by day.

I anticipated your arrival as the new decade signified a clean slate for me to start afresh. I greeted you with naïve hopes and lofty aspirations, convinced that you would be the year for me. I looked upon you as my savior to achieve my key milestones and fulfill my wildest desires.

Never did I expect that you would crush my heart so mercilessly that my eyes welled up at your betrayal. It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact you were leaving and I did not begin to accomplish half of what I was trying to do. You were the tale that I never got to write of my glittery successes, spellbinding experiences, and whirlwind adventures. You were the lingering regret that made me wonder about the alternative reality where things could be different. You were the wake-up call that opened my eyes to how I need to change. You were the turning point where I realized I could not possibly go on like I once did.

Goodbye, 2020. I promise to let you go and move on.

I forgive you for all the ways you went wrong. I forgive you for all the fallen plans and shattered dreams that slip away from my fingers. I forgive you for the isolation that tore me away from my family and friends. I forgive you for the times I spent within the confine of four walls, wondering when it would end. I forgive you for how you broke my heart knowing that somehow, one day, it would all make sense.

Right now, I’m done romancing you. I’m done blaming you and myself. I’m done being stuck in a rut. I want to move on with my life and slowly, I’m picking up the pieces you left behind. I’m making a conscious effort to inject more self-care into my daily routine. I’m trying to eat healthier, build connections, and cultivate consistent habits, knowing that a little goes a long way. I’m looking for the silver lining beneath every dark cloud and grateful for all that I have. I’m coping the best I can under the current circumstances and I am heartened by my progress of how far I have come.

Goodbye, 2020. Thank you for your lessons.

You were not a wasted year. On the contrary, you were a pivotal moment that altered my life and changed me. You showed me what it meant to be strong. You taught me what really mattered. You allowed me to see that regardless of what happens, I can survive.

I write about falling in love and out of love.

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