Love has never been smooth sailing for me.
I had stared into the eyes of unemotional lovers telling me they did not feel a thing for me, their voices colder than the winter storm. I had my heart ripped and shattered in the aftermath of countless heartbreaks, each one more devastating than the last. I had breakups that were abrupt and unresolved that made me question if I was the cause of it.
So when I finally met someone whom I want to commit to, it did not come easy.
After my past experiences, I never thought I would find love. I never thought love was something that would come effortlessly to me. I never thought I would end up in a lasting relationship. I never thought someone would accept me despite all of my imperfections. I never thought I would meet someone who would see me for who I am and love me all the same. I never thought someone would choose me deliberately out of the millions of matches and decide that I’m the one. I never thought a chance encounter would blossom into the love of a lifetime.
I never thought someone would love me enough to go on bended knee and ask me to marry him. I never thought someone would painstakingly plan my dream proposal and give me the surprise of my life. I never thought someone would hold my hand so tenderly and slip a diamond ring onto my finger, the embodiment of his love for me.
I never thought I would find someone who makes me want to open my heart and love daringly, unrestrainedly, and unequivocally. I never thought I’m lucky enough to find someone who loves me back with the same intensity. I never thought I would be marrying the love of my life. I never thought I’d be the type who would get so caught up with wedding preparation, from fretting over the venue to choosing the gown I love. I never thought I’d be walking down the aisle with someone I love to forge a new chapter of our lives.
Most of all, I never thought that love is so safe and ordinary. It comforts and empowers me during my darkest day, and it inspires me to become a better version of myself. It is calmness and stability to the erratic and chaos radiating within me. It is steadfast and everlasting that makes me feel instantly at home.
Love isn’t heated words and constant fights. Love isn’t shrinking myself and dulling my shine so that someone else can accept me. Love doesn’t come with prerequisites and requirements that deem if I’m worthy or not. Love isn’t a roller-coaster ride that brings me through the euphoric high to the extreme low. Love isn’t confusion and mixed-signal that I have to waste precious time and effort trying to decipher. Love isn’t lying awake at night, worried that I’m making a mistake. Love isn’t as elusive and painful as I once thought.
I didn’t believe that love was for me, and it proved me wrong. It came so unexpectedly, and I find myself trusting that this time, it would be different. Somehow, I’m ready to see where it will take me.
For when love arrives, you will be.