As I grow older, I realize that the definition of love has changed for me.

I have lost interest in the passionate, intensive, and all-consuming love that I sought in my early twenties. I’m not willing to trade in everything I have and watch all of it crash and burn just to have a taste of a whirlwind romance that ends as soon as it starts. I’m not willing to fall blindly for someone and open myself to heartbreak just because.

I’m not delusional enough to believe that I can convince someone to love me, and I do not want to. I don’t find it romantic to chase after someone and pine after them, hoping that my dedication might move them. I don’t want a romance depicted in the movies starring us as star crossed lovers that spiraled into an unavoidable tragic ending.

I have realized that the right kind of love is one that I never have to chase, for they’d be right by your side feeling the same way you do. They would accept you for the amazing and beautiful human being you are and feel blessed to have you. They would cherish the relationship they have with you, as you are everything they want. There is no gray area and hesitation, as they would move heaven and earth to be with you. There is no such thing as wrong timing and circumstances that can easily tear you apart, as both of you would be committed to make it work no matter what.

I have grown to be more rational, especially at the beginning of a budding romance. If there is more unhappiness than joy, I evaluate my options and contemplate the reasons for our differences and whether they are irreconcilable. I’m extra cautious before starting a new relationship and would only embark on it if I could see it going long-term and there are compatible factors.

Some may think that this is a businesslike and cold approach towards love or that I am too picky. But I prefer to think that because after my previous failed relationships, I have finally learned what I truly want and that I do not want to compromise. I would rather stay single than to be stuck in a toxic relationship that does not stir my heart for the right reasons. I would rather stay single than to find someone for companionship because I could not be alone. I would rather stay single than to chase after someone who doesn’t want to be caught. I would rather stay single than to settle for less than I deserve.

Once I stopped chasing after unavailable people, I started to make time for myself and truly got to know me. I made room for the right people that lifted me up and surrounded me with positivity. Once I cut off contact with toxic people and start focusing on my well being, I soared and made leaps of improvement in my life. Once I knew the kind of relationship I wanted, I no longer wasted time on those that did not serve me well. Once I stopped settling for half-hearted relationships, I found the one that was imperfect yet so perfect for me.

Once my perception changed, I realized love was really that simple.