I am sick and tired of having relationships where I give more of myself than the other person gives to me. I am drained from working so hard at something that will inevitably fail in the end. And I am exhausted from trying to pull teeth from someone who will never love me like I loved him.
I don’t want to be stuck in a relationship where I am sweating at the end of the day from trying to wrack my brain with something clever to say. I don’t want to be at a place where I know the other person is just using me for sex.
And I am done trying things with people who won’t have the decency to try back.
Too many times, we enter relationships because we feel lonely, or we feel insecure. But, those relationships never end well. And they usually leave you feeling defeated, broken and bruised. We think that maybe if we have some intimacy with someone else, then they will eventually love us back. Or that if we say yes to the boy who asks you out, then you’ll maybe start to like him more.
But it never works.
So, I’m saying no to relationships that only thrive off of attraction. I’m saying goodbye to relationships that leave you more messed up than you were before you entered into one. I’m leaving those relationships with my head held high, and my feet stomping them down in the dirt where they belong.
I’m saying goodbye to “I maybe sorta like you relationships” and “I like your ass” type of relationships and I’m finally saying hello to “I love you anyway” type of relationships.
This relationship should be about your bond and not about how quickly you get into bed with this person. It’s about honesty and telling the truth even if it’s difficult. It’s about adoring one another amongst all of your flaws. It’s about finding perfections in the imperfections. And it’s about enthusiastically running to your partner, not wasting a second of your time together. It’s about having water fights in the kitchen and undressing yourself with no fear of judgment. It’s about first kisses and how for the first time in a long time it feels like real magic.
I want a relationship where I can feel electricity running through my hands the first time he holds my hand. I want a relationship where he tells me I’m beautiful without my makeup on. I want a relationship where he won’t ever cross the line I’ve drawn for myself.
And I want a relationship where when he tells me he loves me, he will say it without hesitation in his voice or a drop of liquor on his tongue.
And when we say “I love you” for the first time, I want him to keep saying it. And if I crash my car into a fire hydrant, he will tell me “I love you anyways.” And if I mess up his favorite shirt by accidentally mixing it in with my whites, he will reassure me ” I love you anyways.” And when I wake up with the frizziest hair since Anne Hathaway on the Princess Diaries, he will kiss me over and over again and say, “I love you anyways.”
And then we will reach a point where just with his gaze, I’ll be able to tell that he will love me anyways. And he will love me regardless of any dumb mistake I get myself in to.
Finding this relationship will be the hardest part. And it will probably take me years. It’s going to be a difficult, long, rollercoaster of a journey. But I can guarantee you, once I find it? I sure as hell am not letting him go. And you shouldn’t either.