I don’t know you, nor do I think we’ll ever meet in our lifetime. But I’m here in the dark once again, feeling the same deep-rooted pain as you feel, the kind that’s poisoned with anguish and despair so hollow that you feel like you’re sentenced to an everlasting void. It rolls like waves crashing into rocks and rolling back again, carrying you down into the depths of waters that seep into your lungs, your bones, your blood, and every part of you that’s desperately clinging to what little warmth it has left.
And it breaks my heart to see you like this.
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even think I have a light bright enough to light your way. I’m not here to preach to you on how to live a better life or as people say, get your act together before it’s too late.
But those that abandoned you, even when they seem like they have all the answers and secrets to a good life along with all the hope you could possibly want in this life, don’t know you, nor do they want to save you from drowning. They don’t understand what it’s like to have everything fall apart. They don’t understand why you feel like you’re drowning. They aren’t willing to listen to your side of the story because they assume it’s just a whine fest that’s not worth listening to. And trust me, I know how deeply that hurts. I don’t have the same story as yours, but I can tell you that you’re really not alone because I’m here with you.
I know what it’s like to venture into the unknown and stumble over treacherous terrain in dark territories without any stars to guide you to a place you know exists, a place where you truly belong.
I know what it’s like to fight a battle outnumbered and equipped with nothing but a hope that still isn’t enough to shield you from your enemies.
I know what it’s like to be hanging by a thread, a thread so thin that you’re certain the heavy burdens you bear on your own two shoulders will cause it to snap.
I know what it’s like to put your entire soul into the hands of fate and watch it being crushed and beaten without any mercy.
I know what it’s like to look at all the palaces being built around you and have nothing but dirt in front of you, right where your land is supposed to be.
I know what it’s like to drown into the depths of a cold, dark sea with mighty waves that pull you under and keep you there, in loneliness and terror.
I can’t say I know the whole story of how you got here or what caused you to fall. I don’t know what exactly caused you sunk so low into waters so deep, so frightening, so cold that you can’t feel the warmth of the sun. But all I know is that you’re hurting and you need a heart to touch and a hope that you can hold onto again.
You say you’ve lost your grip, that you can’t hold onto hope any longer. You threaten to let it slip away because you think you aren’t strong enough to keep it. That you aren’t deserving of it. That you’re a lost cause. That you aren’t brave enough to use it for your own good.
But let me tell you this, you can. You absolutely can.
You see, you’re still feeling – intensely, deeply, fiercely. You’re not numb to the bone-chilling cold – you’re immersed in it, yet you’re fueled by the desire to keep yourself warm. You’re drowning, but you’re kicking and trying to break through the surface of the waters so you can see the sun again because I know deep down, that there’s a spark of life within you. A love for life still lingers and that’s why you’re still breathing, that’s why you’re holding onto what little you have because even though it feels like nothing, it still means something to you. You know it does.
I believe you can venture into the unknown and light the stars in your own way, so you can pave a road that leads closer to a home you’ve always longed for.
I believe you can fight a battle and win because you have such a strong and mighty hope crushing your enemies of doubt, guilt, and fear.
I believe you can rid yourself of those heavy burdens, so you can start lifting yourself up again.
I believe you can keep your own soul, nurture it, water it, and give it the love and passion it needs to flourish into its fullest and most breathtaking form.
I believe you can build a sanctuary for yourself without envying the heights and the grandeur of all the palaces around you. And even when it’s a humble abode, I know you’ll find rest and peaceful solitude within it because you’re the one who’s going to build it with care and love.
And you won’t have to do it alone, because I’m here too. Rising towards the surface of the frigid waters. Swimming to shore. Venturing into the unknown. Fighting the same enemies. Seeking the light again, so our souls won’t reside in darkness forever.
Hope is there. It hasn’t abandoned you, even when you feel like it has.
Because it’s always been in your hands.