Lance Pauker

College girls get drunk and do dumb things all the time. What is the purpose of aggrandizing this girl’s story to the point of no return? How many sentences do I have to type until I get to say the word “Syria”?

If our mothers don’t approve, you’ve got no chance.

She’s the quintessential hot girl that many Bro-types tend to disparage; partially because the stereotypes are spot on, but partially due to the deep seated frustration/jealously that comes with never being able to land one of these Real Princesses of Actual Society.

These courtships tend to flood themselves with awkward pauses, financial bracket litmus tests, and plenty of overzealous drink slam-downs–emphasizing the gravitas that is the collective struggle of dealing with their significant other, or socially opaque boss.

Find a Go-To Bar, and Develop A Terrific Relationship with Your Bartender

For strict hookups, flirting is arguably a cog in an outdated machine.

Having scapegoats on both sides is definitely not the worst…

Sadly, recent years have demonstrated that when given unbridled access to social media, celebrities are far from immune to one of the few universal human truths…

The more miserable a job is, the more they have to compensate you for being miserable

Whenever I’m not unsure about the direction my life is going, I simply sign on to Facebook, look at a bunch of pictures, and read a bunch of statuses from people who went to my high school.

Public Relations: In addition to only being allowed to write emails in all caps, you are required to constantly attend events that specialize in mid-level dudes cheating on their girlfriends with 22-year-old assistants.

Oftentimes, the demands of life require people to be good at stuff. But not everyone is good at stuff, so some people have to lie in order to keep pace.

“Real Life,” despite being the name of a recent facebook album, is decidedly a thing.

My roommate and I recently came to the conclusion that drinking a lot of alcohol, from the first vestige of pregame to the final stage of hangover, is about on average, a fifteen hour commitment.

The Hooded Sweatshirt Douchebag

What comes next is all that’s being talked about. But all that’s being talked about is being talked about in a certain all-smiles way. Truth hurts, but the truth is a lot more valuable.