You were in my life for so long — as a friend, as more than friends, as a weird in between, and now as strangers. I tried so long to keep you because I was so afraid of what life would be without you. But now I realized there was no reason to hold on. Sure, sometimes I miss you. But I realized I’m okay without you.
I don’t need you in my life.
And for so long I thought I did. What would life be without you? Boring? Lonely? Sometimes it is. Going from telling someone everything to not even speaking is a weird thing. You lose a part of yourself. You lose a comfort that you had. But did you really lose that much?
You gain clarity. You gain acceptance. You gain self-confidence back. Because you gave me mixed feelings. Sad nights. High highs and low lows. You made me question myself. You made me wonder why you would be so great to me one day, then go radio silent the next.
You played games, knowing fully that I would always be there to catch you.
How does it feel to know that wasn’t the case?
That you don’t have me anymore.
I wonder if you still think about me. If you miss talking to me. You confided in me. Told me things you didn’t tell anyone else. And I think for both of us, the loss hurts.
But sometimes hard losses become great gains.
Because when I look back at our relationship, I realize that while some of it was great, at the end of the day, you hurt me deeply. I know you cared, but not enough. I wish you had.
But I’ve begun to realize that not enough can never become enough. Halfway there isn’t there at all. And I hope maybe one day you will learn.
I hope you learn that you can’t use people. That you can’t just have everything you want. That you realize you hurt the people you care about along the way.
I’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. I’m sorry we can’t be anything anymore.
I don’t necessarily think you’re a bad person, but I don’t really think you’re good, either. I hope for your own sake you figure out your own life. Who you are. What you want. And why you continue to stomp on hearts. I know you think you’re a good person, but maybe you should look in the mirror.
Good people don’t play with others’ feelings. Good people don’t manipulate. Good people don’t lie to get what they want.
Cutting toxic, negative people out of your life is a hard lesson to learn, but you have to do it. Keeping these people in your lives will only drain you. They do not deserve one bit of your energy.
At the end of the day, I regret wasting time on the wrong people. But I take it as a lesson learned. Cutting people out who once meant the world to you isn’t easy, but down the road, you will be grateful. You will look back at that period of your life and be glad to leave them behind. Cutting out the bad people leaves more room for the good ones. The kind of people you want in your life.