Can We Please Admit That Being Single Sucks Sometimes?

Being single sucks sometimes. Sorry, it’s true. I know I’m betraying the “single and happy” club I’m a member of, but truth is more important than anything so let’s always promise to try for it. Now, does this mean that being single sucks in and of itself, and all the time? No, it doesn’t. I tend to believe that one’s relationship status doesn’t determine the happiness any individual portrays or experiences. But still, let’s face the God-honest truth: Being single sucks sometimes.

And boy does it suck for many reasons during those sometimes. It sucks because you get a wedding invitation, and one of the first few things you think is, “Oh crap, who am I going to take?” It sucks because sometimes you just want to hang out with someone who thinks you’re hot and chill, and kiss them from time to time. It sucks because being around people who are in awesome relationships is a reminder that you can have everything going for you, and still have to put a sibling, a close friend, or a parent as your emergency contact number. It sucks because of lonely nights, bad days, rejected efforts, failed attempts, unrequited feelings, and beautiful words that remind you of how awesome love can be.

But being single isn’t a death sentence. It isn’t a disaster – natural or man-made – that should make anyone feel inadequate. And you know what? Many (not all) single people do feel inadequate. That is of course until we get that dreaded question; the most awful, unnecessary, pointless question of all time: Why are you single? Now while this question seems tame, and is best answered with humor and wit, there’s an underlying discomfort that is experienced by the person to whom the question is directed at. And although it may seem like a compliment to ask people who are single, why, because you think they’re oh so wonderful and great and have all the qualities of a person who “should be in a relationship.” It doesn’t translate that way from the sender to the receiver; communication 101 – there’s a breakdown in the message. The person will almost always end up thinking, “They’re asking what is wrong with me,” which leads to, “Is something wrong with me?”

Continuously getting asked this question has made me realize that not only do many people suffer from extremely low emotional IQs; they don’t really want to know the reason why. But you asked, so here’s the answer. And no, these are not solely personal answers but I’d vouch to say a lot of people are #SingleBecause of the following reasons:

  1. They just can’t seem to date anyone who they are physically attracted to, and get along with in all the important areas (intellectually, emotionally, etc.).
  2. People who they like, don’t like them; people who like them, they don’t like.
  3. They’ve found that people are more interested in asking why they are single, than in asking them out and/or setting them up.
  4. A personal reason that has to do with vulnerability issues, past histories, etc. and has nothing to do with you!
  5. It just hasn’t happened yet.

Now while No.3 is my personal go-to because it always makes any conversation lighter and convinces people that I’m actually really funny (which is obviously why they should introduce me to their really hot brother/co-worker/friend), the God-honest reality is No. 5 is true for almost everyone. Look, most single people don’t know why they’re single because it doesn’t require a reason; they just know they are single. Especially single people who think it’s great being single, but also think it’d be pretty sweet to have someone to tell dry jokes to, and laugh with, and walk around holding hands with, while little kids point and laugh.

Please stop asking single people why they’re single. We already have enough wedding invitations and +1 dinner parties and stupid lovey-dovey articles (that I sometimes write), to remind us that at least some of the time, people will think we’re inadequate. We have that, and typically some failed dating attempts where we learn and re-learn that no one out there (who we want), wants us to be their cherie amore right now.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and listen to stupid love songs on Internet radio while contemplating changing all my digital bios to “single Black female addicted to retail.” Because I probably (hopefully?) only have a limited amount of time left to be able to use those lines. And even though only half of that statement is actually true, the struggle is still real. But Payday Friday is almost here which makes retail therapy sound all the more appealing, and I imagine, is as exciting as a boyfriend sending you cute love notes throughout the day, just because.

Ha, just kidding, nothing beats Payday Friday. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Featured image – Bridesmaids

About the author

Kovie Biakolo

Former Senior Writer & Cultural Advocate at Thought Catalog • Buy Conversations for Smart People • Connect on Twitter, Facebook, & Instagram

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