Happiness is a choice. So I often wonder: Is sadness a choice too? Who wants to be sad? Happiness is something that most of us long for. Happiness is the positive emotion and state of mind that most of us want to live in. Sadness seems dark and dismal and something to flee from. Sadness, however, is something that we all experience at one time or another. And maybe it’s okay to be sad sometimes.
I try to be happy as much as I can. I have a lot to be grateful for and I try not to lose sight of it. Even in life’s challenges, I was always taught to try to find the happiness in each struggle or pain or hurt. And I try to as much as I can. But I am a real person and I can’t always do that. Sadness is not my feeling or emotion of first-choice but l also think in many ways, sadness is an inevitable feeling.
I’ve never really been good at expressing sadness. I can express happiness and anger and frustration and passion. But sadness always seemed like weakness to me. It always seemed like something dark and dangerous that if I embodied too much, it wouldn’t leave. Still, I have been sad because sadness is a part of life. But I never quite knew what to do with it. Oftentimes I would try to keep busy and ignore it and let it pass. I wouldn’t want to think about it or feel it or get to know it. I just wanted it to pass and to choose happiness again.
But I’m starting to think sadness should be felt in the realest way. It obviously exists for a reason. It exists to show our humanity, our ability to be compassionate to others, and to ourselves. It shows that no matter how strong we are, we’re all ultimately human which means our strength is finite. Sadness is also a reminder of how much we need each other because most of the time our sadness comes from each other just as much as it comes from within. Sadness is a great teacher in many ways and maybe the most important lesson we learn is to be honest with ourselves about our feelings.
I hate talking about feelings. The only time I really do it is when I write – which is probably why I write a lot. Talking about feelings has just never been my thing and talking about sadness just makes me feel helpless. But as I write this, I realized that I was sad today. Sad about things that I feel like I want to change but can’t seem to find the courage to do so. Sad because I felt alone today and not in a good way. And maybe sad because I forgot to remember all the things that make me happy.
I don’t like being sad and I don’t like talking about being sad. But I’m learning that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes. I’m learning that sadness is simply a part of reality that must be embodied and endured. I’m still a happy person, well at least I hope I will be tomorrow. And I hope I’ll accept what I can change and what I cannot. And I’ll try not to forget to remember all the things that I’m grateful for; the things that make me happy. But in this moment, I’m sad. And in this moment, maybe that’s perfectly okay.