Thought Catalog

19 Things I Stopped Doing That Changed My Relationships For The Better

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Relationships
God & Man

1. Giving more than I was getting.

I’m the first to give the shirt I’m wearing off my back to someone. Giving comes very naturally to me but even the nicest people have their limits and eventually you have to take a hard look at your relationships and evaluate if this person is reciprocating what you are bringing to the table.

2. Accepting excuses.

I wouldn’t say I’m naive but sometimes it’s easier to just nod and go along with whatever BS someone is saying then challenge them on it.

But after a while and one too many apologizes not only do you stop believing them but you don’t care to anymore.

3. Giving people too many chances.

When someone disappoints you and lets you down enough times it’s the slap in the face to yourself when you keep trying for someone who keeps making the same mistakes and doesn’t feel remotely bad enough to change their behavior.

4. Hanging onto toxic people.

Sometimes the people we love most aren’t healthy for us. And it isn’t weakness walking away, it takes strength to look at someone and realize “I might be better off without this person in my life.”

5. Gossiping.

We all talk about people sometimes. But if it will catch up to you. And when it does, it’s not the person you’re talking about that gets hurt but rather you hurt yourself and your relationships if you let it continue.

6. Valuing people more than myself.

Sometimes the best way to improve your relationships with others is to take a good look at the one you have with yourself. When you truly love yourself and take care of yourself you won’t gravitate toward people who do anything differently.

7. Associating with people who didn’t respect me.

Sometimes how someone treats you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and qualities they lack, whether that be a lack of confidence or unkindness. Normal people don’t walk around treating others badly because they feel like it.

8. Believing negative comments.

It’s not easy when someone says something bad about you and not take it personally or believe it. But the most successful people are those who can look at someone’s negativity and walk away from it not taking it with them or letting it drag them down.

9. Trying too hard for the wrong people.

All the kindness and gestures in the won’t change how someone treats you, if they care and if they are willing to show it. Trying too hard for the wrong people will always leave you empty like it’s not enough.

10. Putting myself down.

There are going to be so many people in your life, doubting you, questioning your choices you can’t do that to yourself too. Be confident in every choice you make and don’t let outside factors influence the things you tell yourself.

11. Apologizing.

Apologize when you’re wrong not when someone is making you feel like you are.

12. Letting fear paralyze me.

The best thing you can do is make every choice that scares you most.

13. Worrying about what people thought of me.

What people think and say about you is none of your business

14. I started listening to my close friends.

Your friends have your best interest at heart and they aren’t emotionally attached to situations or people in your life, they are emotionally attached to you. Take their advice and insight into consideration.

15. Going out when I didn’t want to.

It’s okay to want to stay in on a night out. It’s okay to call it quits if the night is sucking. Staying in a situation that makes you unhappy simply because, “everyone else might be doing something,” will lead to unhappiness.

16. Choosing people who didn’t choose me.

Investing time and emotion and energy into someone who doesn’t value everything you are is a losing game. And what you are going to lose is yourself trying to keep someone like that.

17. Comparing myself to others.

The second you start comparing yourself to anyone else you lose sight of what you have to offer someone or something. The only person you should be competing with is the person you were yesterday.

18. Being too nice.

There’s being a nice person and being too nice to overcompensate for insecurities. It took me a while to decipher which I was doing and why. Sometimes you gotta take a step back and the person you gotta be nicest to is yourself.

19. I stopped looking at the word selfish as negative.

I used to not understand people who were selfish and only concerned with the person looking back at them in the mirror. But being a little more selfish means you have self respect. Focusing on yourself and your goals and dreams will pay off for you in the long run.

At the end of the day it all comes down to the relationship you have with yourself and if you can’t form a solid relationship there which should be the ground level for everything else in your life, anything you try and build on an unstable structure will crumble. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

But Before You Leave

“Losing you would be like losing part of me, only it’d be losing the best part of me.”

“Even if your voice is shaking, never stop asking for what you want.”

Kirsten’s writings really touch me. It’s like all the things I have ever thought of or wanted to say are expressed through her writing. I resonate with so much of it. It’s so deeply touching, moving, raw and just plain real. There were times reading I teared up because something said just went straight to my heart. I think I honestly highlighted almost the whole book! —Elizabeth

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Poetry Lovers! 💖

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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