This Is How You Love A Girl Who Doubts Everyone

God & Man

When a girl doubts you don’t take it personally. It isn’t so much you, she is doubting, it’s everyone else in her past who has taught her she has to be guarded and she has to look out for herself.

Know she’s going to be blunt and forward AF.

When you come across a girl who doubts people she’s learned to say exactly things as they are because a lot of people haven’t and deceived her. She won’t do that to anyone and she won’t let people do it to her. What might come across as coming on too strong, she does it because she’s looking out for herself.

Understand her walls are really high.

She can probably count the number of people she can trust on one hand. Everyone else she looks at questioning them. When you are as honest as she is, you learn quickly that very few people are.

Know she has a really good heart people have taken advantage of.

She’s watched as people have completely walked all over her and have taken what they have wanted from her and just left. There are times she wishes she was a little colder so it wouldn’t hurt as much.

Understand that she has baggage.

Even when it’s other people who have wronged her she still looks at things that have gone wrong and she blames herself. She can tell you about the past that haunts her that she should let go of. She doesn’t. The best thing you can do is teach her sometimes the past she clings to aren’t her problems to hold so tightly and she can let it go.

Know she does believe in good regardless of the bad.

She’s seen the worst of people and is still so kind. She has every reason not to be with the things she’s gone through but she keeps thinking if she is kind and does good eventually it will come back to her.

Understand she’s gotten a lot of what she didn’t deserve.

A lot of the things she has experienced was a result of someone else taking their problems out on her and she had to be strong through it. It is because of all of those things she has learned a strength you wouldn’t realize just looking at her.
She’s had to learn to rely on herself.

She’s had to learn to build herself back up every time someone hurt her or broke her heart. She’s learned how to function while being broken.

Know she’s always expecting the worst.

She expects the worst of everyone and expects every situation to end really badly. When someone is used to being let down and disappointed you learn to manage your expectations. If they are low you won’t get hurt.

And she’s waiting for you to catch you in a lie.

She looks for it. And not because she wants something bad to happen but there have been so many time in her past that if her guard was down even a little she was fooled. Teach her she can trust you and know it’ll take the time to gain that.

She’s going to need you to reassure her more than once.

She’ll ask you the same story more than once. She’ll ask a lot of questions. She needs those answers.

Anxiety acts as a way to protect her from getting hurt.

And when a million scenarios rush through her mind she’s going to try and play it cool but you’re going to have to be the confident one and teach her she can rely on someone other than herself.

Know that you have to go at her speed.

The only way you’ll progress in a relationship with someone who doubts everyone is letting her take the reins and following her lead. She’ll come around she just has to do it when she’s ready and when she feels she can trust you.

Understand if you don’t she’ll push you away.

If you try and push her or suffocate her she’ll turn the other way and run. She doesn’t handle pressure well. When others have taken advantage of her maybe emotionally or physically while trying to appease them, it’s left her feeling empty.

Trust is big for her but she only trusts herself.

She’s learned to trust herself and listen to that voice in her head every time even the slightest red flag gets raised. Gaining her trust will take time but the best things in life aren’t that simple.

She loves hard but hasn’t met someone who deserves it.

In the past, she’s loved hard and given her best to people who haven’t deserved it. She has to learn not everyone deserves her best so she’s apprehensive about who she invests time and emotions into.

Loving hard means she hurts even harder so she has to be guarded.

But when it’s right her love will change you.

Once she’s confident in you, you have her loyalty forever.

Once you gain her trust and she realizes she can love you confidently she’ll be someone you can rely on always. To her loyalty is everything and you’ll always have hers. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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