I’m Not Surprised People Leave, What Shocks Me More Are The Ones Who Stay

God & Man

It’s a goodbye without a word.

It’s an ending without an explanation.

It’s the falling out the other person doesn’t want to fix.

I hate to admit I’ve gotten very used to people leaving.

And for so long I feared it. Some called me clingy. So said I didn’t know how to let go. Others would just leave with no rhyme or reason. But the truth is I never understood people leaving, for me I never thought of it as an option.

But suddenly that thing I feared became a common reality I learned to adapt to.

Suddenly there was a shift not, “will they leave?” But when?

And I began to look at everyone thinking that.

Maybe it was negative and cynical. But it was my reality I became used to.

I didn’t like it. But I also didn’t like being so emotionally affected by ghosting and the fade out before those things even became words that trended or phrases that became household.

But what I came to realize about exits are if you let people do it gracefully even when it hurts to see them go, almost every time they come back.

“People from your past come back like they are seasonal flowers,” my roommate said laughing.

The truth was she was right. I don’t know if they come back to clear their names and reputation or because they missed me. But they always returned.

It never surprised me people leaving and returning, when you’re nice, when you treat people well, when you build them up and make them feel good about themselves, they always come back.

People miss the way you make them feel about themselves. And I’ve always prided myself on building people up and never tearing them down.

But what surprises me more isn’t that theme that is so frequent in my life. What surprises me are the people who stay. The ones who don’t have to leave to realize they shouldn’t have in the first place.

The ones who loyally stand by me, watching as I allow people in and out of my life like it’s some revolving door. But there are few people who don’t even have to test those waters.

The anxious part of my brain wonders how much longer will they stay? The anxious part of my brain says emotionally prepare yourself for their exit.

But what I’ve learned is the people who want to be in your life, make the choice every single day to stay.

It’s the same choose I make with everyone in my life. I’ve never been the one to leave, it’s always me that gets left. I won’t ever just pull a Houdini on them because even when you get used to people leaving it still hurts. If someone wants to be in my life who am I to deny them of it?

The toughest goodbyes are the ones that come with no explanation. Where people leave and don’t think you deserve that closure. I’ve learned closure is something that comes from within. And instead of focusing on those who have gone, take a moment and admire and appreciate those who haven’t.

We take for granted the things we are used to. The people we just assume will always be there. It’s those people who deserve your loyalty and love. The ones who look at you and also think you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not. Give them your best and while others come and go don’t forget to thank them for never leaving. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Kirsten Corley

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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