“You make it way too easy for him you know?” my brother said as we left the bar.
And he was right.
I was painfully easy to read to a point it might have been a flaw. I couldn’t control my facial expressions or tone in moments of disappointment if I tried.
I was unapologetically myself it might have made me look bad.
But if the worst thing someone could say about me is that I feel things too deeply, I care too much and I’m not afraid to show it, I think more people should follow my poor example.
I could tell you everything you’re supposed to do…
1. Ignore him.
2. Delay your response in a text.
3. Try and make him jealous.
4. Be a bitch.
5. Give him a taste of his own medicine.
6. Be the one that cares less.
7. Confuse him a bit.
8. Don’t try so hard.
9. Make it a game that’ll he’ll lose.
Those are probably all really good things follow if you think dating should be a game. If you play by these rules, the game of cat and mouse will be a tedious one that includes running in tireless circles.
But the thing is regardless of how ‘good’ you might be at the dating game, the person that gets remembered most isn’t the best player but rather the one who doesn’t play at all.
And the thing is what will separate you from others isn’t your ability to be coy in every move. What will separate you from others and what guys will remember isn’t the girl who played hard to get but rather the one who played according to her own rules.
The girl who wore her heart on her sleeve even if she shouldn’t have is who he remembers. The one who was painfully honest and built others up saying exactly how she felt. The girl who didn’t give up on the guy who constantly let her down. The girl who stood there holding back tears in her eyes with one conversation and instead of cursing him off the way he might have deserved, she handled it with grace and didn’t allow the circumstance to say something she might have regretted.
This is the girl who walked away with no unkindness, and no resentment and this is the type of girl people regret letting go. This is the type of girl people hate themselves for hurting.
This is the type of girl who hears everything she’s ever wanted just a few years too late. But this is the type of girl that guys don’t forget.
If you want to be remembered and if you want to be that girl he regrets don’t play his game.
Because I can tell you from first-hand experience, I could have cursed people off. I could have given them a taste of their own medicine. I could have hooked up with their best friend out of spite. I could have ignored his texts or calls. I could have played it like I didn’t care but none of those things are me.
Treating someone the way they treat me just so I can get the upper hand doesn’t make me look at my reflection confidently. What does though is being the example they should follow in how you treat someone.
Because there is nothing better than sitting across the table from the person you loved with everything you had and hearing them say you deserve better.
There is nothing better than receiving a hand-written letter from the same person who made your life hell and reading, ‘I’m the person I am because of you.’
There is nothing better than walking with someone who used to give you butterflies with a simple look and hearing them say, if I could go back in time I would have changed everything and if I could now I’d choose you.
There’s nothing better than talking to that one person and you leaving them speechless simply because you were yourself.
There is nothing like the self-respect of walking away with your head high not because you were better than every other girl but the confidence in knowing you didn’t even have to compete with them at all.
Girls play games and compete with one another. Women don’t.
Playing that dating game might ensure you don’t get hurt as often. It might teach you to be guarded and protect yourself. It might help you to be as cold as others and you might think you have the upper hand. But the dating game won’t lead to love.
Fucking with people just so you don’t get fucked will end with you being alone anyway because you’ll be so worried about every move and every word, the relationship will fade out and you’ll be just another name on a list he forgets.
But if you want to be remembered, if you want to be the person he regrets, that requires you to put everything you’ve been told aside and follow what feels in your heart to be right.
Maybe dating is a lot more simple than we make it out to be and maybe everyone has forgotten that.