1. Sometimes it’s not them, sometimes it’s definitely you. There are a lot of assholes in the world, but honestly? Sometimes the asshole is you. You are going to wrong people, you’re going to hurt people, you’re going to be the person who is the problem on more than one occasion. But here’s the thing: self-awareness is one of the most important things you can possibly have. So even though it sucks to admit that no, you’re not faultless, you owe it to yourself to figure out how to accept just that.

2. Relationships are almost never as complicated as you think they are. Maybe it’s the movies we grow up watching or our affinity for overthinking things, but everyone seems to instinctually overthink relationships. Sure, sometimes things are messy. But the impulse to instantly make this whole “being with someone” thing just so complicated, so difficult, so hard? It’s 100% hurting you and your relationships more in the long run when you overcomplicate them.

3. A truly good friend is not the one who tells you what you want to hear. Good friends don’t sugarcoat things. They don’t tell you what they know you’re already hoping they’ll say. They tell you the truth. There is a difference between just listening, and actually being there for someone. Someone who’s there just giving half-assed advice or not actually having your best interest in mind? That’s not a good friend, or one that will actually stand the test of time.

4. No one thinks what you’re complaining about is as interesting as you do. Everyone needs to vent, and everyone should be allowed to. But if everything coming out of your mouth is drenched in negativity and all “woe is me”? Just know that people are definitely not as big of a fan of you as they pretend to be while you’re unloading.

5. If you can’t afford brunch, stop pretending you can. The weird thing about the whole “Keeping up with the Jones’s” mentality is that the “Jones’s” probably didn’t care at all what anyone else was doing. Look. Money is weird, and most people (except for those with more than they know what to do with) feel strange about it from time to time. But feeling insecure and overspending is not just weird or even silly—it’s downright stupid.

6. Your metabolism doesn’t care that you don’t “feel that old.” It will slow down and it will make fitting into your favorite clothes suck a whole lot if you don’t stay on top of your health.

7. Even your “dream job” is still a job. And there will be days when you just want to scream at everyone and leave in a blaze of glory, days where you’re bored out of your skull, and just days where you have an internal meltdown wondering, “What the hell am I doing with my life??” Even if you love what you do. Even if you’re happy most of the time. Even if it’s your “dream” job. It’s still work, it’s still a job, and you need to stick it out and not let the bad days be the days that stick out the most.

8. Honesty may be difficult, but it really is the best policy. Lies, even little well-intentioned ones, will never end up where you hope they will. Never.

9. Nine times out of ten when you’re arguing, the person you’re trying to convince is actually yourself. Truth is, you’re almost never going to change someone’s mind when they’ve made it up about something. So if you’re still fighting about it, still arguing, still stomping your feet (metaphorically or literally)? The person you’re actually trying to convince is you. And you’re likely the only one listening.

10. Scientifically speaking, making or breaking a habit takes 21 days. So if you’re trying to start working out, suck it up. If you’re trying to quit eating something, suck it up. If you want to make any change? You can probably suck it up.

11. If someone wanted to be with you, they would be. While it’s one of the hardest things in life to come to terms with, again, it’s not actually that complicated. It’s really, really not.

12. Absolutely everyone, including you, is replaceable. You’re probably absolutely fantastic, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t still just 1 person out of 7 billion on this planet. People can live without you, love without you, work without you, exist without you. And they will. You need to learn how to live with a healthy blend of humility and the understanding of your own insignificance, while also having the confidence and willpower to live anyway.

13. If you’re not doing anything to solve problems that come up, the main problem in the equation is you. You shouldn’t be finding yourself with the same problems whizzing around you over, and over, and over again. What that actually means is you want to complain about your problems, but you aren’t actually interested in solving them. Take responsibility, take initiative. Don’t be the person wandering in circles wondering why the same stuff keeps happening. Do something about it.

14. Ultimately you need to accept that the only person in charge of your life is you. The person who can solve your problems? You. The person who steers the ship? Yep, you. The only person who can ultimately take charge of your life is you. You can’t wait for anyone else to do it. It has to be y-o-u, you.