Sometimes The Love You Want Isn’t The Love You Deserve

When you’re in love, it feels like the world is bigger.

The sky becomes bluer and brighter. The sound of the wind blowing through the trees becomes something of a song and all that matters is the way they make you feel.

You romanticize them and the moments you share with them. Everything becomes poetry. This person becomes something of substance in your mind. You believe in beautiful things because you believe this person is one of those things. You get lost in it.

It isn’t until they leave you that you start to see things for what they were, and even then, it’s not easy to see right away. At first, you feel your world shrinking. You convince yourself it was something you did or didn’t do. It was your fault they left in the first place. And again, you get lost in that.

I know how hard it is to care for someone and still know they’re not good for you. You wear the rose-colored glasses as if you’re supposed to, and you let the rest be.

Let me tell you the truth: the kind of love that makes you fearful or anxious, or the love that runs away when things get difficult – that is not real love. The kind of love that is forbidden to the world and kept secret for reasons they won’t explain and you will never understand – that is not real love.

When you’re young and in love – or what you think is love – all you see is good. The fact of the matter is, not everyone you love will love you the same way. Whether it be lust or something greater, not everyone you let yourself be with will be good for you or good to you.

And sometimes, the love you want isn’t the love you deserve.

If you’re one of the lucky ones who found love to be something wild, hold on to that. If they leave you with the memories, keep them close, but bury them. Use them as a reason to keep going. Keep holding on for a love that feels full, one that shouldn’t be romanticized or seen through rose-colored glasses. Forgive yourself. Wait for the love you deserve.

Brooklyn-based poet, writer, avid coffee drinker, and music lover.

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