1. They’re on your side no matter what. Even if you’re flat-out wrong, they will happily defend you until the end.
2. Seriously, they will take a punch in the face for you if it comes to that.
3. When you’re going through a breakup, they’re masterful at pinpointing every single one of your ex’s flaws so you can stop mourning that waste of a relationship already.
4. They’re your eyes and ears—your very own CIA special operative—always on the hunt for critical information that might make you feel better about life, like a play-by-play of that embarrassing thing your nemesis just did.
5. They let you vent and scream about anything without judgment, and without offering any annoying, unsolicited advice, understanding that sometimes you just need to let it all out.
6. They’re not afraid to be brutally honest, and they have a sixth sense for figuring out exactly when you need a hefty helping of the capital T Truth.
7. When you’re on the verge of a personal crisis, they can actually smell it. They will text you right as you’re about to breakdown and invite themselves over to hang out just in time.
8. When all you want is to sit and veg, they’ll binge watch any show you want, even if they’ve already seen every episode of whatever you’re set on watching.
9. They’ve mentally noted all your go-to comfort foods and will pick up one of each on their way over when you’re in the midst of a tough week.
10. Even if they have work the next day, they will stay up until the wee hours listening to you talk, unfiltered, about everything that’s running through your mind.
11. And they won’t make fun of you or try to rationalize whatever’s bugging you. They know you’re crazy—please, you know you’re crazy—but they also know it makes you feel better to get it all out.
12. They will get stupidly drunk with you on any day of the week in the name of helping you cope with whatever’s going on.
13. When they’re around, it’s like taking a mini mental vacation from whatever disaster is unfolding. They don’t make you feel tense or weird or uncomfortable—ever.
14. They actually love your shortcomings. This rare specimen of a person not only tolerates, but embraces your flaws, like a proper soul mate should.
15. In fact, they find humor in your insecurities, and their capacity to make you laugh can break apart any metaphorical dark cloud that settles over you.
16. Your best friend is a hero armed with the super power to transform any depressing situation into something lighthearted and funny just by putting their special spin on things.
17. Alternatively, they will literally force you to smile, even if it means tackling you to the ground and tickling you, or starting an impromptu pillow fight.
18. They never flinch at your panicked triple texts. Or quadruple texts. Or that thing you sometimes do when instead of sending one long text with all the information, you blow up their phone with 372 short bursts of frustrations and various knife emojis.
19. They’ll drop everything and anything if you need them to. At a moment’s notice, they will call in sick and play hooky if the situation call’s for it.
20. They will creep really hard on social media in your honor. They will find out who Mark was texting when he was on that date with you and stalk her until you’re no longer threatened.
21. They believe in you during the times when you forget to believe in yourself.
22. A friend might send their condolences, but a best friend will physically be there next to you, riding it out, the Issa to your Molly.
23. They will proactively tell you how awesome you are over and over, making it impossible not to feel that way, even when it seems like the world is against you.