The 9 Things Girls Want Out Of A Relationship (From A Girl’s Perspective)


The incomparably swaggy Derek Marshall has already listed the things guys want from a relationship, so it’s our turn, ladies. With apologies for all the heteronormativity and sweeping mass generalizations, I mean for this to expand beyond what girls want out of guys, but also girls, and whoever the hell else y’all want to date. 

1. Someone who goes out of their way to show us they want us.

Overtold is the story of the girl left reeling over the person they really wanted to be with but whom toyed with them and left them blindsided. All we’re really looking for at the end of the day is someone who genuinely cares.

2. Someone who has a life of their own too.

We don’t need you to consume our every moment. We’re not waiting for you to save us from our banal existence. We just want you to hop in for the ride.

3. Someone who understands there are different types of sex.

There is the romantic sex you have when you just want to hold someone and be with them in the most intimate way possible, there is the urgent, hot, slightly aggressive sex you have because you just want it bad, there is the run of the mill sex you have when you can tell the other person isn’t that interested, and there is the sex you have where you can tell that the person does indeed love and care about you, and not just their orgasm. It’s a little softer, a little lighter, a little more involved. There’s a look in their eye that can’t really be feigned or replicated.

4. Someone who just listens.

Here is a hot tip for you all. Usually, girls aren’t looking for you to give advice or solve problems that are so easily solvable– they just want to vent. They want to tell you about whatever is running through their head, they want to be so open with you that they can tell you about the nuances of their day and what they had for lunch and all the other things nobody else would care about. More importantly, girls want someone who take their thoughts and opinions seriously, and don’t just brush them off. They want someone who acts and changes their behaviors when they voice that they’re unhappy.

5. Someone who loves our bodies the way they are, not the embellished version.

Yeah, anybody can love a body that’s starved to unnatural thinness, tanned, made up, styled and replicated to look like some crazy social ideal. While that’s fun, and sometimes indeed done for our own personal enjoyment, at the end of the day what’s better is someone who (yes, the old cliche) looks at you and thinks you’re most beautiful “in sweatpants without make up on.”

6. Someone who displays interest, kindness, willingness.

The bad boy/girl/whatever that’s kind of hot initially gets old… fast. Nobody wants to spend their better days with someone who is disengaged and largely uninterested. Let those ideas go. We want someone who is as interested as us, as kind to us as we are them, and someone who is willing to talk about what those things mean and how you can compromise to meet each other’s needs.

7. Someone with whom we just “click.”  Someone who we’d still be friends with if the romantic element were gone.

Call it chemistry or whatever, but at the end of the day you need to be with someone with whom you have a slightly unexplainable but also undeniable pull toward. Someone who lights a little fire in your heart and groin and makes you want to try even if you feel like trying could be ultimately futile. Someone who is your best friend during the day and your lover at night. Someone who you can talk to, someone who, at the end of the day, if you removed the romance, you’d still be friends with.

8. Someone who has their shit together. Aka, ambition.

Nobody wants to seriously be with someone who is lost, broke, out of school/unemployed and not really looking to change that. Ambition is one of those things that needs to match in a relationship, otherwise it’s a constant tug of war of waiting and pushing your partner to get their act together.

9. Someone who isn’t afraid to be sensitive and vulnerable.

Look. You want to get down to the reality of it all, the things that are going to mean the most are the morning texts and cute little love notes and nauseating shit like that. We don’t want hardened hearts at the end of the day– nobody does. We don’t want you reeling from your last fling, telling us you care without showing, seemingly only mildly interested. We want all of you, forever, you and us. If you didn’t get that that was a Notebook reference STEP UP YOUR GIRL DATING GAME. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Part time writer. Full time bad ass bitch. Brunch-having New Yorker.

More From Thought Catalog