How To Have Great Sex (A Guide For Straight Girls)

Oleg 66

Have you ever found yourself lying inert, wondering why this rapidly pounding idiot even needs you there (can’t he just cum into a cup or something?), or how much porn this dude must watch (because seriously, being perched like this requires far too much concentration just to maintain the posture let alone be pleasurable), or why this guy is essentially a grown up but clearly hasn’t learned any new moves since he was 15 (or worse, that maybe he’s a virgin)? First time sex is tricky to navigate, and I’d say that 99.9% of the time it’s going to be a pretty damned awful experience, for the girl anyway. There’s lots of things that can go wrong for a guy, yes, but he (generally) gets to cum, no matter how awkward the sex is or how much unnecessary vaginal friction is created. I’m not convinced first time sex needs to be this bad for women, or bad at all for that matter. All it takes is a ‘can do’ attitude, a little bit of bravado, and Bob’s your uncle—you’ll be having great sex before you know it.

Find a guy who is good in bed

HA! GOTCHA! Keep reading moron.

Choose wisely

You just met a guy at the bar. He’s already referring to you as babe. When he kisses you he plasters your cheeks and chin with saliva and rubs the valley between your thighs as if he’s trying to get a stain out. Not only does he think it’s OK to try and finger bang you in public, he’s got a raging boner and he’s not shy about dry humping you on the dance floor. And OH MY GOD HE’S TRYING TO GIVE YOU A HICKEY! Use your common sense girlfriend—this isn’t the kind of guy you want to sleep with, and making out with him has proven it. You could give him the benefit of the doubt; I’m sure he’s a lovely guy who just got a little bit too drunk. But the fireworks aren’t happening tonight, so cut your losses—take his number if you like him and call him another time—go home alone because you really will thank yourself in the morning.

Know What You Want

If you don’t know what you want then you’re probably never going to have good sex. Normally, sex in a committed relationship or with someone you trust unequivocally are great places to learn what you like in a safe, comfortable environments. If you haven’t had this luxury, then flip open a laptop and pull down your panties—watch some porn, read some material on sexual habits and/or touch yourself. Sexual education is about more than birth control and the dangers of STDs; and while these things are imperative to healthy sex habits, so too is knowing and respecting your body, what turns you on and how to be comfortable with your own desires.

Know What You Don’t Want

This is just as important as knowing what you do want—you need to have a certain degree of self awareness to ensure that you don’t find yourself in a situation you’re not comfortable with, because nothing makes sex worse than doing something you really don’t want/like to do. I don’t like having sex in darkness, and I’ve found myself in situations where all the lights are off and all I can think about is not being able to see, and the sex, inevitably, is terrible. NEVER worry that not wanting something is a turn off to the other party—you are the master of your body and your domain, and a guy can literally go fuck himself if he doesn’t like you saying no to something. You should never feel pressured into a situation that you’re not 100% OK with.

Tell Him

Verbalise. You can’t be embarrassed about this stuff, especially when it comes to communicating what you don’t want. If you don’t feel comfortable telling a guy what you want, show him. Most guys are flying blind at this point, so they’ll appreciate the guidance.

Get On Top

I find the best way to get what you want out of sex is to get on top. There’s always the cocky bastard that will grab your hips and start thrusting upwards, completely out of rhythm with the beat you’re trying to move to. I just try to hide the incredulity on my face (really, guy? Just who do you actually think you are, buddy?) and put on a sexy purr (by this point I normally want to slap him in the face and walk out), tell him to lie back, be still and let me do my thing. Some guys will fight you on this. He’ll give you 10 seconds of independent playtime then he’ll start winding his hips again. He thinks he knows better, but he doesn’t—be kind but firm, and once he realises you’ve got more to offer than his one-trick jack-rabbit, he will be very appreciative.

Get Tipsy

Fuck it, if you’re nervous, get drunk. There’s nothing like a bit of Dutch Courage to turn you into the naughty cowgirl you are deep inside. After a few drinks you’ll loosen up (pun not intended) and feel freer to ask for the things that feel good. You’ll probably also try and do a striptease (as you sway sexily from side to side and try to kick your trainers off) but hey, you can’t win ’em all. TC mark


More From Thought Catalog

  • Anonymous

    Bob’s *your uncle, not mine.

  • Anonymous

    Bob’s *your uncle, not mine.

  • Anonymous

    Bob’s *your uncle, not mine.

  • Jon

    HA! GOTCHA! Keep reading moronChose wisely.

    Missing punctuation and then a sad misspelling. I don’t know who is worse here, TC’s editors or its writers. 

  • why

    Very keen advice and this article is totally something I would share with others! :D

  • sack

    can you stop writing?

    • Michael Koh


    • er

      Actually? If you don’t like her writing go somewhere else to read things. She is an editor of TC so she obviously does something right, and helps make this site happen. So stop complaining just because you don’t like her articles and go read someone else’s. And, read her blog, it has some very funny stuff in it. All people write differently, get used to it.

      • Aelya

        I didn’t know she edited TC. When she did explicitly say that?

      • ER

        In her TC profile

      • Aelya

        Ah, should have read it. Cheers

      • KM

        Thought Catalog is edited pretty poorly, so…

      • KM

        Thought Catalog is edited pretty poorly, so…

  • Steve Seikel

    I want to get to know the girl in the photo a little better.. 

    • huh

      i actually do know this girl. small world.

  • Alyssa

    this is so freakin relatable

  • Cherryxweet

    I’d like to add “be in some sort of shape” nothing is worse when you are almost there but one or both of you are too fatigued to be in shape:)

  • xra

    ok guys the best way to get a girl to cum is to tell her she can’t; once she starts thinking about holding it back instead of making it happen, reverse psychology will kick in and she’ll be primed to go, then you let her teeter a bit before making her get off 
    the worst way is to read this article

  • Anonymous

    Just don’t be DIB

    • Gregory Costa

      Dead in bed?  I don’t know.  Depending on the fantasy, that could spice things up. 

      • Brian Crowley

        lol, that was sick and twisted

  • Guest


  • Gregory Costa

    Your writing is of the caliber of what I’ve read in Cosmo.  Take that as you will. 

  • Matt

    Christ this kind of writing is tired.

  • Anonymous

    This is exactly the advice I give to my girlfriends who have trouble enjoying sex.

    • Gregory Costa

      You’ve had girls complain multiple times?  Have you ever thought maybe they’re not the problem? 

      • Anonymous

        Honey, my friends have shitty boyfriends and aren’t comfortable enough with their bodies to figure out what they like. I never had a problem figuring it out though or taking control of the situation which is what you have to do. We get tired of faking orgasms during jackrabbit sex.

      • Brian Crowley

        Why are your friends having sex with shitty boyfriends who they aren’t even comfortable enough to talk to?

        Tell them to get some standards instead of objectifying their bodies.

    • Margaret

      u r a guy?

  • Aelya

    I won’t lie, the whole “Oh God he/she is a virgin SHUN SHUUUN” mentality is really annoying. We were all virgins once too, so who cares if this person is one or not? You don’t know their life or their reasons. Plus, when you were a virgin, you would want the person you choose to sleep with to guide you through everything in a non-judgemental way.

    not saying that this is what the author was trying to put across with this sentence (“or worse, that maybe he’s a virgin”), but it reminded me of it.

    • Greg

      I was thinking the same thing. Virgins may not be great in the sack, but there is sort of an exhilarating feeling guiding someone through the motions and helping them loosen up.

  • Egle Makaraite

    I knew this must be an article by Kat George before I even clicked on the link. (I saw this through twitter)

  • London

    I guess I wasn’t doing it right but the times I was on top, I didn’t like it and couldn’t move around a lot.

  • Steven Timberman

    This article just made me want to go out and get some sex. Even if its awkward, horrible, drunken sex.

    Great advice though, even if I might have issues with the “Know what you don’t want” section. I still think that Dan Savage had some great advice on this – you’re allowed two or three things that are absolutely on the “Never in a thousand burning suns” list. 

    But you’re never going to learn what you do want if you don’t experiment with what you don’t want. That goes for dating, fucking, and everything in between.I used to capital H hate girls grabbing my balls during a blowjob. One girl I was with approached it gently, cautiously, and lo and behold, I’m a fan of it. Turns out I wasn’t against girls touching my balls, I was just against how they were being touched.

    And most everyone has a similar experience with some specific technique or experience. Know what you want, find what you want, but also be aware that your partner has needs and desires just as much as you do. 

    • guest

      Oh, come on, you get more than two or three things.  I don’t want to waste my two things with scat and vomit.  

  • bleh bleh

    It’s clear to me that the girl who wrote this is NOT having great sex:

    – Great sex where the guy on bottom lays still? That’s not good sex… maybe ok sex, but not great.
    – Drunk sex (never great)… most people have much worse orgasms when they are drunk

    The only piece of advice that’s actually worth something in here is that good sex can be the result of good communication.

    • Tayla Dam

      drunk sex can sometimes be the best sex

  • Katrine


  • Fatigued

    Please stop writing until you have something original to say.

  • Jenna

    oi this is not making me feel good about any kind of sex. or about this publication.

  • michael kramer

    hey maybe next you can do an article called 100 ways to tell if he’s cheating

    if you’re just going to rip off cosmo you might as well rip off the funny parts

  • Anonymous

    In response to “and put on a sexy purr (by this point I normally want to slap him in the face and walk out)”, you can also just slap the guy and see what happens. A) He enjoys it, or B) He doesn’t.  Either way, something exciting will happen.

    • Katgeorge


      • Anonymous

        Yes.  I love the amazing to happen rather than awkwardness. 

    • guest

      Oh god I love you

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I love you, too.

    • Greg Petliski

      If you slapped me during sex without warning I would slap you right back.

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