1. Being alone
People think the purpose of finding a partner is so that you can stop feeling so lonely, but this isn’t the right mindset if you want them to stay. It’s when you’re most independent that you’re able to really put in the effort to maintaining a successful relationship. You have to be able and willing to be alone before being in a partnership, because there will still be times that you are. Your significant other isn’t there to fill a void. They are there to add more when you’re already whole.
2. Being the one that puts in more effort
There will always be times when your partner puts more effort into you than you into them, but the opposite is true as well. There will be times when you feel they are distant and you have to put in the work to pull them close again. The point is—you both put in the effort to bring each other back into that equilibrium. You put in half the work and so do they. You can’t have them always chasing you or they’ll get tired and you’ll start seeing them fall behind.
3. Being attracted to others without acting on it
Okay, let’s be real. There will always be other people that you find attractive, intelligent, funny, charming—whatever the appeal is, we have to recognize that we can be drawn to others at times when we’re in a relationship. The point is, you have to be able to recognize that it’s just that—an attraction that most likely will fade away over time. It’s also important to recognize the foundation and building of the relationship you are already in, which will be far greater when focused on it, as opposed to jumping from person to person. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but imagine finding that one fish, out of those billions, you are able to build the most beautiful life with. I suggest you hold onto it.
4. Being vulnerable
If you want to find and maintain a relationship, you have to give in to your feelings. You have to be willing to risk it all and not hold back, because it really is the only way you will gain the affections of the right partner. The wrong ones will be scared. They will run far away from your vulnerability and feelings. Let them. The right one will feel everything that you are feeling and maybe even more. They will feel the ability to open up to you as well—creating the beginning of a blossoming relationship built on passion for one another.
5. Being honest about your flaws
Whether it’s your morning breath, addiction to cigarettes, constant neediness to the other’s touch—you have to be willing to show it all. It’s scary to allow another to see all the flaws you have felt once scared off other partners, but you also have to realize that your flaws make you into the beautiful individual you are. If you didn’t have those unique flaws, you wouldn’t be you. The right partner will understand. They will embrace you, regardless of your terrible breath in the morning, as long as you’re willing to do the same.
6. Being in an argument
There are not a lot of people that can handle confrontation and so they shy away from it. Passive aggression will not find or keep you in a relationship. You have to be willing to disagree, open up and discuss in a healthy way the problems that occur in your relationship. Nobody is perfect, meaning no relationship is perfect either. Talk about the issues that arise, because pushing them aside will only allow them to grow into a potential ending of your relationship altogether.
7. Being open to stepping out of your comfort zone
When finding a partner, you may have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone to get them. There will always be the usual routines of meeting their friends, family and trying out their favorite restaurant. It’s not going to work if you can’t make the effort to step into their lives, as well as show them yours. You and your partner will not have corresponding lives and that’s a good thing. You have the opportunity to learn about the world through their perspective. Take advantage of that.
8. Being patient
Relationships take time and a lot of effort. If you are not willing to stick through the hard times to get to the better ones, then you will find yourself constantly out of a relationship. Don’t give up on the one you love, because they will be there for you as well. It’s more about give and take, but also about pushing through the difficulties in order to strengthen your relationship and making it the best it could possibly be.
9. Being able to make sacrifices
Moving to another state when your partner gets a job, paying for the majority of rent as they get back on their feet, missing out on nights at the club to watch Netflix—there are going to be so many sacrifices that come along with finding and maintaining a successful relationship. The thing is, they may seem like sacrifices at first, but these are the moves and changes you make that determine the strength in you and your partner’s love for one another. It will show the other how much you care and are willing to give up in order to make it work. With the right person, it’ll all be worth it, because the life you live together will always be far greater than the life you leave behind.