The Truth About How Long Love Actually Lasts

If you’re talking about the intense love you feel for someone at the beginning of the relationship, several studies have indicated that it lasts no more than 2 or 3 years. And no more than 7 years at most.

At some stage:

  • Companionship
  • Support
  • Intimacy
  • And respect

…have to take over if that relationship is to survive. Yes these are a little more boring than those initial feelings of intense passion couples feel for each other …but this is the natural course all relationships HAVE to take.

At this stage, the intense love changes to compassionate love which is what married couples generally feel for each other.

Is “love” one thing or made up of different components?

The feeling of being in love feels like one thing. The one thing being “an intense attraction” for this other person that we are in love with. But underneath it all, love is actually made up of different components. Love is really a combination of the following:

  1. Need: You love the person because you need him or her for whatever personal reason.
  2. Compensation: You love the person because he or she compensates for the things you do not have.
  3. Unconditional Love: You love the person completely and without a doubt.

For instance, if your subconscious mind finds that being with this certain person gets you in a good mood, it will make you feel that you love that person so that you stay close to him or her.

It is important to note that even if real love is a combination of these three things, it has to eventually shift away from need and compensation towards unconditional love. This makes the love more real and paves the way for a healthy relationship.

Why can’t some people get over an ex, even years later?

This is because of wrong notions that person has about love itself? The following beliefs are some of them:

  • Thinking Fate/Destiny Controls Love: Believing that true love just happens when in fact you subconsciously make it happen to meet your psychological needs.
  • “The One” Myth: The concept of “The One” where people think there’s only this one person that’s meant for you when in fact there are a lot of potential partners out there who can meet your needs if given the chance.

These beliefs make people obsessed with their ex because they think he or she is their true love and “The One”. They close their doors for other potential lovers and never get over their ex.

But this is wrong because it prevents them from allowing themselves to meet other people who can make them happy and build a fulfilling relationship with. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

John Alex Clark is a Relationship & Life Coach. He is the founder of the website Relationship Psychology.

Keep up with John Alex on Twitter and Website

More From Thought Catalog