1. I was drugged, so I don’t remember any of it.
“Man here. I was drugged, so I don’t remember any of it. I’m ok, but I have a very very low opinion of the Philadelphia police. Totally uninterested in anything I had to say.
But I’ve moved on and I’m living a very happy life.”
2. When the older boys on the street talked about getting their girlfriends naked, they said it was so awesome.
“When I was a 10-year-old boy, I was selling candy bars door-to-door to raise money for our soccer team. My mom always told me, ‘When you go door-to-door, take your big sister with you.’
I broke that rule once, and it was a mistake. I had gone down to the end of the block to sell some bars to my friend’s mom. When I left, I saw that the house on the other side of street had their lights on. My sister and I had tried there the day before but no one was home. Oh, goody, I had a chance to sell an extra bar or two!
I knocked on the door and a chubby blonde woman my height (I was really tall for a 10-year-old) opened the door. I explained about the bars for sale. She told me, ‘Oh look how cute you are! Listen, if you come inside, I’ll give you an extra special treat for your team.’
I was so excited that I went inside thinking it would be a big help to my team. Once inside, she started caressing my back and telling me how handsome I was. When she pulled my shirt off, I completely froze in the moment and couldn’t do anything. She took this as a good sign.
When she got me naked on the bed and started stimulating me, I could only think ‘Oh, god, it’s happening again’ and went out of my head disassociating. I don’t know how, but somehow she just knew I was vulnerable to being abused since it had already happened before. She smelled it on me and somehow just knew it.
When the older boys on the street talked about getting their girlfriends naked, they said it was so awesome. What was wrong with me that it didn’t sound so awesome?
And… it sounds insane. A woman rapist? That lures in little children? That never happens! Right? Right…….?
I’m not doing so good these days. But I am in therapy.”
3. My innocence was lost to a female cousin who was responsible for babysitting and protecting me.
“It happens to boys. Anyone who says otherwise can fuck right off.
You’re not alone. My innocence was lost to a female cousin who was responsible for babysitting and protecting me.
I, as a little boy, was stimulated and she asked me to ‘put it inside of her.’ It went on for about 2-3 years until I figured out what was really going on and that it wasn’t right. (I could get erect but at least I was still too young to ‘come’).
Anyways, I’m doing good these days after confronting her (the cousin), confessing to my father, and the family about 10 years ago. The family never sees each other anymore anyways.
I still have some intimacy issues, but it’s due mostly now to some bad relationships where a few girlfriends have made things worse for me because they cheated one me. I don’t really trust anyone to get close anymore.
But all in all I’m ‘OK’ day to day and reasonably balanced. I hope you find your own peace.”
4. He weighed much more than I did and I physically could not push him off.
“I’m a straight male, for context. About ten years ago while on a college break I went to a St. Patty’s Day house party with a bunch of my closest high school friends. The host’s brother was there, who I didn’t know well, but he seemed like a pretty typical meathead. None of us drank in high school, so we were laughing at ourselves while exchanging college drinking stories. I told one of mine, and for whatever reason the brother didn’t believe me (the story was nothing special) and got really mad about it. He then challenged me to a fight but I was like ‘nah I’m good’ and it seemed to deescalate…for a minute. I’m sitting down at the time and he proceeds to sit on my lap. I’m kind of stunned because it’s just very strange, but he weighed much more than I did and I physically could not push him off. Meanwhile all my friends are laughing at the situation as I struggle to free myself. I start asking and then pleading for their help, but they just watch and laugh as he then grabs hold of my crotch, sits for another minute, and finally gets up. The whole thing was incredibly bizarre but obviously, I felt very violated. I told my friends they were assholes and they waved it off ‘what? it’s funny, not a big deal, chill out.’ I ended up dropping all contact with the host (since it was her brother I expected her help if no one else’s) and years later my other high school friends still didn’t understand why I hated her. Her brother came out years later, which doesn’t really change anything about what happened, but I guess maybe there was something going on there behind the scenes in his head.
I think about it whenever this stuff gets brought up. I’m only still in contact with a couple of these folks (just due to naturally drifting apart), but it still bothers me immensely when I see them championing people coming out with their stories and attacking the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. All I can think is ‘You had a chance to stop an incident that took place right in front of you and you LAUGHED.’”
5. I got threatened with rape on an hourly basis.
“Mine was at work…I was on a crew with two older ex-military guys, one army, one Marine. Over the course of the six months I worked with them directly, I got threatened with rape on an hourly basis, had my crotch grabbed numerous times, was flashed at least once, and a handful of times was jumped on and generally pushed around and physically abused. After I moved to another crew, one of the guys went into the hotel room I shared with another tech, poured a bowl of the cereal I had bought for my roommate, took a shit on it, and then sent me a picture.
It was generally the worst six months of my life.”
6. I’ve had older women grab my butt multiple times.
“I’ve had older women grab my butt multiple times and the only time I called someone out on it her friends were joking about if I’d rather have a dude grab my butt instead. Super weird and uncomfortable and I feel bad for girls because it seems much more common on your end.”
7. I was really uncomfortable and also kind of scared of the guy.
“I didn’t post the #metoo because I have never told anyone and it’s been so many years. I am a dude, when I was in high school my manager at work (who was an older gay dude) flirted toward me quite a bit. Some touching. I played it cool and tried not to encourage him, but he was borderline aggressive sometimes. I was really uncomfortable and also kind of scared of the guy. I cannot imagine what so many women go through on such a regular basis, based off the activity I saw on FB yesterday and my own singular (although drawn out) experience.”
8. She whispered in my ear that I couldn’t do anything because no matter what I’ll be seen as the bad guy.
“I had a girl grab my crotch and wouldn’t let go until I threatened to hit her. She whispered in my ear that I couldn’t do anything because no matter what I’ll be seen as the bad guy. After she told me that, she let go and just walked off. I still have no idea who that girl was. She was fairly attractive as well, so it wouldn’t have helped the situation had I actually defended myself. That was the first time in my life where I actually felt like, I didn’t have control what happens to me. I felt violated.”
9. He leans over, grabbing me on both sides, and gives me a kiss on my shoulder.
“I was a 24-year-old male at the time. I had a date with a girl I met on OKCupid and she wanted to meet up for some drinks in the city. While I’m on the train ride over there she texts me and says she and her friends are still having dinner and that she will be ready in a few hours (which was irritating since we had agreed on a time and I was under the impression this was a date and not a come hang out with my friends while we get drunk kind of thing).
Anyways, I decide to make the best of it since I don’t go out as often as I’d like and figured it would be better than sitting at home watching T.V like I usually do. The place we were meeting up was the ‘gay district’ of the city, but I wasn’t really too concerned about it since I figured a bar is a bar and I wanted a drink. So I sit at the bar and grab a beer to kill some time still thinking I might meet up with this chick when these too older gentlemen sit down next to me. They are both in their early 70s and the one seated next to me starts being friendly and strikes up a conversation.
Be sociable, I move a seat over next to them to chat and the second guy gets up and walks away (I was under the impression they were a couple but instead they were just friends but I still wasn’t too concerned.)
We chat and I tell him the story about the chick I’m trying to meet up, making it very clear that I was straight. Since my current date seemed like a flake, I actually set up another date with a cute chick I had found browsing my phone at the bar and I bragged about it to my new 70-year-old gay ‘friend.’
It was karaoke night at the bar and generally seemed like a fun place and I figured I’d blow off the chick who blew off me and enjoy the night here when the old guy started getting really weird.
He started making comments about how different the gay community was than the straight one since it was perfectly acceptable for a 70-year-old man and a 25-year-old man to hold hands while walking down the street.
I tried steering the conversation to things other than relationships but he kept going on about how just because someone is straight now, doesn’t mean they always will be since he had a wife and kids and didn’t come out until he was in his fifties.
I’m pretty uncomfortable now and then he asks if I ever thought about men’s cocks. I tell him he should probably back off a little and go back to the pleasant conversation we were having before. He gets confused about what I’m getting on about. Then he leans over, grabbing me on both sides, and gives me a kiss on my shoulder.
I immediately get up, leaving my drink that I only was able to get a sip or two out of and leave the place shaking.
While not as serious as other forms of sexual assault or rape, what I’ll always remember about that night is how I felt leaving the bar. I felt almost afraid of the guy at that moment even though I was taller, stronger and generally more fit that that dude had probably ever been in his life. It’s just he knew that I didn’t have it in me to punch him in the face so he knew he could keep pushing until I gave in.”
10. Sexual misconduct by a doctor. I’m a man.
“Sexual misconduct by a doctor. I’m a man.
I was referred to a urologist for Peyronie’s disease (I believe my penis has been developing a bend in it). As part of his assessment, the urologist gave me an injection (in the penis) and some pornography. He left me alone in the room so I could become erect. Then he returned and used a vibrator to make me ‘fully firm.’ However when I told him I was going to have an orgasm, he just kept going and I ejaculated. He then took some ‘measurements’ with plastic rulers.
He said that he needed to do this to take reference measurements to see if my condition is worsening. I have no idea what measurements he took because I was frankly overwhelmed by the experience.
For him to look at my erection didn’t seem completely implausible. After all, I couldn’t see a problem unless I was erect. Getting me ‘fully firm,’ well that was stretching my credibility. And when he kept going until I ejaculated, that just didn’t make sense.
I asked about this on an online urology forum and found that this is so far outside of ethical practice that nobody would take me seriously.
They assumed that I was trying to share some homosexual fantasy I had created. Nobody believed that a urologist would act in this way. I’m not gay, and if I was trying to create a fantasy I think I could do much better than this.”
11. The first thing she says is, ‘I did not rape you.’
This is tough because I’ve only ever told one other person (besides those involved) about this and was told ‘Dude, guys can’t get raped. You just hooked up with an uggo.’
It was my birthday. I organized an outing with my friends (men and women) and met everyone at my place before venturing down the road to some bars. One of my friends brought this lady along who seemed alright at first but was extremely…aggressive. Like the type of person who enjoyed picking fights and getting loud for no reason.
The night carries on as any bar outing would go, and I’m enjoying myself quite well at this point but this Aggro Lady (as I’ll refer to her) kept trying to get me to take shots with her. I was drunk at this point and since she kept buying, I kept agreeing. Silly me.
I don’t remember much after that, but when I came to she was on top of me in my room and in that brief moment I knew I didn’t want whatever was going on, but more importantly I realized I didn’t have a condom on (which is a HUGE no-no for me, I always wear one. Terrified of having an accidental kid). I passed out a moment later.
I woke up to hard knocks on my apartment door. I was hungover, like really hungover. I answer the door in my haziness and it’s my friend and that Aggro Lady. Immediately she bursts into my apartment and starts to explain the night prior. The first thing she says is, ‘I did not rape you.’
Confused, I went back to lay down and the two of them followed me into my room. My friend (another lady) was trying to be super calm with me, but Aggro Lady kept yelling and telling me that my roommates lied to me and that nothing happened.
Eventually, I ask my friend to take the Aggro Lady and leave, because I was starting to remember a few things and was getting uncomfortable. Aggro lady wouldn’t leave and kept saying ‘I’ll make it up to you, let’s grab breakfast’ but I was having none of it. Finally, I yelled for them to leave and they did.
My roommates came in to give me the lowdown on what happened and I was in shock. Apparently, Aggro Lady walked me home, ahead of the rest of the group. Got my keys and told everyone that she would ‘Make sure I got to bed all right,’ but apparently that meant taking advantage of a passed out birthday boy. My roommates came home and walked in on her, on top of a passed out me.
This lady was big. Like, bigger than me big. And to this day I don’t find bigger women attractive. Took both my roommates to get her off since she was fighting them at the same time (probably would’ve been an interesting sight to see).
To this day I get uncomfortable around bigger women. I have nothing against them, but knowing that someone could use their weight against me like that just makes me nauseated. Thankfully my roommates and those who were involved all understood the severity of the situation and followed my decision of ‘Completely cutting off any connection to Aggro Lady,’ sadly meaning one of my other friends.
It’s been a few years but I still get flashes of images that…aren’t pretty. And if you’re wondering, yes I immediately got myself checked and thankfully I’m clean.”
12. He asked me to put my mouth on his penis, and he’d do the same for me. I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life.
“When I was 6 years old, my family went through a really rough patch. I don’t remember the reason, but my family needed a place for me to stay during the week. My mom told me through tears that it was just a sleepover during the school week at a friend’s house.
I got to my best, and only, friends house that night. 10 or 11 rolled around, very late for our age, and he began asking me really personal questions. He asked to see me naked. He was my only friend and I didn’t really know what to do, so I said OK. He asked me to put my mouth on his penis, and he’d do the same for me. I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life. He was my only friend so I didn’t want to say no. I remember nearly having anxiety attacks when the sexual abuse people would come to our school. I thought I was going to go to jail, I thought I was at fault. For years, persisting into middle school.
I still think about it sometimes, it still hurts. I’ve never mentioned it to him nor talked about it with anyone but my girlfriend. She was giving me oral sex one time and I just couldn’t handle and almost started crying because that memory kept coming back.”
13. At a bar some guy grabbed my junk and gave it a good squeeze.
“I’m a man.
At a bar some guy grabbed my junk and gave it a good squeeze. I didn’t do anything.
I tell myself it was really small and doesn’t really matter compared with the shit some people suffer. So I feel guilty when I ask myself what should I have done or replay it in my head.
But really, it doesn’t matter if it was relatively light, it shouldn’t have happened, and I don’t need to have had the perfect response.
I don’t think about it unless someone brings sexual assault up, and then I only dwell on it to minimize my own experience.”
14. I spent the entire night getting groped.
“I don’t have a really dramatic or specific story. I do have an instance where my friends and I went to a gay club in Seoul with a friend of ours who was actually gay. I spent the entire night getting groped. Literally the entire night. It was just unbelievable. I wasn’t even dancing or anything, I was sitting at the bar talking to my friends and guys just repeatedly walked by and grabbed my junk continuously for the entire night.”
15. Some hammered 50-year-old woman grabbed my dick through my pants and said some very graphic things.
“I’ve got a few but most recently, I was working at a bar and some hammered 50-year-old woman grabbed my dick through my pants and said some very graphic things. very much am on edge now when anyone touches me unexpectedly.”
16. He approaches me and is very obviously reaching for my dick.
“About four years ago, I was coming back for lunch and stopped to do my business in one of the 1st-floor men’s room stalls in my office building. I mention the 1st floor, as this floor’s bathroom was open to the public. I’m minding my own business playing on my phone, when I hear someone come in the bathroom. But then I don’t hear anything else. No peeing, running water, nothing. I look up and there’s this overweight guy in his 50s who is peeking through the partitions of the stalls making direct eye contact with me. I said ‘What the fuck, man? Go away!,’ and he shuffled on.
I very quickly finished up and exited the stall, only to see this guy basically waiting for me at the door, blocking my path. He looks fucked up. Like, on multiple drugs fucked up. He approaches me and is very obviously reaching for my dick. I push him away. He continues. I push back again. He then opens his arms as if he wants me to give him a big hug. So I did, but a hug with my fist into his face. I ran out of the bathroom to the security guard’s station, told him there was someone in the bathroom trying to touch me, he went to the bathroom, came back, nobody to be found. He said that he’d check the cameras, but I never heard anything after that. I never used that bathroom again, and even to this day, public bathrooms with cracks in the stalls make me uncomfortable. I’m always feeling like I’m being watched. I’m 32M, and just told this story to my girlfriend last night while discussing the ‘me too’ movement. Made me shudder just telling it again.”
17. I got blackmailed into staying with a girl and ended up handcuffed to a bed and raped.
“I got blackmailed into staying with a girl and ended up handcuffed to a bed and raped. All because I left my passport at her place and tried to get it back.”
18. One of them found it funny to keep grabbing my ass and laughing.
“I used to work in a hotel bar with table service. One year during pride we had a table of guys, and when I came to take their drinks one of them found it funny to keep grabbing my ass and laughing (even after I told him to stop). It took a lot of will power not to knock him out. I didn’t bother saying anything to my managers or anything because there’s nothing they would’ve done.
Also when I was 15 on work experience at a shop I had some guy grab my cock. That was more shocking, but I don’t think it did any lasting mental damage. Basically some people are assholes, and it sucks because you shouldn’t have to tolerate it.”
19. He stuck his hand down my pants, shoved me against a wall, and tried to turn me on.
“A guy tried to show me I’d be into guys if I gave it a shot by sticking his hand down my pants, shoving me against a wall, and trying to turn me on.
Very few people have believed me since either a) I’m so ugly no one would want me or b) guys can’t be sexually assaulted.
I’m doing terribly. I used to be a very physically affectionate person, but have completely withdrawn. I can’t stand people touching me, and feel physically ill from extended physical contact.
Part of who I use to be is very much gone, and it hurts. It’s one of the things that’s getting my depression spiraling into dangerous territory.”
20. I’d never been so sexualized in my life.
“I was acting on set, and it was a superhero themed project where I had to wear spandex, and it was my first time, so I felt self-conscious. The cast and crew were largely feminist, and would talk about the patriarchy, ‘fuck the patriarchy,’ and even though I’m mostly comfortable with my body and sexuality, I thought it would be a safe space. But once the spandex went on, they would start slapping my ass, telling me ‘good job,’ maybe poking fun at old school sexism, I’m not sure. I didn’t speak up the first or second time, because even though it was uncomfortable, it was kind of funny, so I let it slide. But they just kept doing it. A couple of times they even pinched it. I’d never been so sexualized in my life, and while it was an ego boost in a fucked-up way, it also made me keep my back against a wall a lot of the time.”
21. The teacher walked in on them groping me and trying to take off my pants.
“In first grade, two of my classmates were playing with me before class like we did every day. They started getting very forward to me in the coat room, tickling, wrestling, and the teacher walking into them groping me and trying to take off my pants. I did not grasp the situation and was giggling and laughing like they were. My parents were called in so the teacher could explain the situation. I remember my parents chuckling about it, like ‘that’s cute.’ In hindsight, it was not. It was really wrong. That wasn’t the last thing that happened to me.
I’m a guy.”