My friends and I enjoy emailing each other at work. Partially because we feel like adults while doing so, but mostly because we can conceal that fact that we’re not doing work. One particular friend of mine and I were chatting about – what else – dating and heartbreak. We both have been “getting back on the horse” after experiencing the dissolution of serious relationships we were very invested in. Some days, we feel empowered. And some days, we would prefer the choice of staying in bed and googling the pros and cons of a lobectomy. After shooting her an email about the fear of not being remembered by an ex-boyfriend, she sent the following email back to me. It brought me to tears, and to my senses. I hope it can help any other girl or guy who may be feeling less than spectacular. (Names have been changed because duh.)
You are absolutely right. The prettiest person or most accomplished person has the same highs and lows that everyone else has. You may not think that you are a “standout” to John or Shane, but think about how many people consider you to be a “standout” friend? I sure do. I can have conversations with you that I can’t have with anyone else. And the fact that you didn’t end up with the boys who let you go is a good thing — why constantly chase a supporting role in someone else’s life? I know you can agree with me in wanting to find your equal. And I think this is God’s way of just leading us away from things that aren’t the best possible fit for us.
One thing we were both able to achieve is moving on with grace (and sadness, tears, and probably yelling) but overall grace in how we didn’t let those failed relationships define us. I thank God for putting Gavin in my path – even though he’s leaving and it’s not going to continue – because he taught me that I can connect with people and then simply let them go if the timing isn’t right. And although I was sad as hell when he told me, the next day I immediately felt a little bit empowered that I was able to love and let go. And if that happens 3 or 4 or 8 more times until I find my husband, then I’ll be that much more prepared, am i right?!
Annnnnnd when all else fails, you just watch some Sex and the City episodes to remind yourself that we are babies – infants really – when it comes to having to feel rushed to find a man and settle down. We are so young. And in 3 years we will still be so young. So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to spend whatever time I have between now and my wedding day to get lots of practice in. Practice in learning to be open without completely feeling empty and lost if it doesn’t work out. Practice in learning to connect and build relationships that don’t necessarily have to be romantic or with a “marriage date” in sight, and most of all, practice in learning about who the heck I am and what I want. If we look at it through that lense, we really couldn’t be in better situations. And I feel beyond lucky to have you by my side along the way.