44 Hilarious, R-Rated Tinder Bios For Your Favorite Disney Characters
Funny

44 Hilarious, R-Rated Tinder Bios For Your Favorite Disney Characters

These dating bios from Ask Reddit are inappropriate — but hilarious.

1. Snow White: I like to take care of 7 guys at the same time.

2. Cinderella: Don’t worry about me losing a shoe, because I won’t be wearing anything tonight.

3. Mulan: I’ll make a man out of you.

4. Gaston: No one fucks like Gaston, no one sucks like Gaston. No one splits it then quits it like Gaston.

5. Baymax: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your desire for sex?

6. Tarzan: A Real Swinger.

7. Goofy: Father of one, not looking for a relationship, only want to fyuck.

8. Donald Duck: I don’t wear trousers so you see right now whatcha gonna get.

9. The Little Mermaid: Darling its better down where it’s wetter, take it from me.

10. Sleeping Beauty: I like to wake up with a kiss.

11. Kronk: Squeaky squeak squeakity squeak squeak. I’ll let you know what that means later.

12. Mother Gothel: I may look young, but I’ve got experience.

13. Buzz Lightyear: To the G Spot… and beyond!

14. Ralph: I’m gonna wreck it!

15. Slinky Dog: I got something else you can stretch.

16. Anna: My sister wouldn’t approve, but wanna get married?

17. Hades: Looking for a Hot time? I’ll show you the time of your life.

18. Cruella De Ville: No Peta members.

19. Perdy: I have 101 children and they are my world. They will always come first. If my dogs don’t like you then I won’t like you.

20. Ursula: I won’t stop until I make you lose your voice.

21. Winnie the Pooh: I’m just looking for my hunny pot.

22. Hercules: I’m literally a god, what more could you ask for?

23. Cinderella: Let’s hope it fits.

24. Alice: Looking for someone sane. Been down that rabbit hole before.

25. Stitch: Looking for Experiment 69.

26. Jasmine: Just want someone to rub my lamp and take me to a whole new world.

27. Rapunzel: And yes. The drapes do match with the carpets.

28. Elsa: Who’s next in line to try and thaw this ice queen?

29. Eeyore: I’m just here for some tail. Thanks for noticing me.

30. Quasimodo: You’re not the only one getting humped.

31. Aladdin: I’m rich. I have my own sentient monkey and carpet. I can literally show you the world.

32. Pocahontas: My last boyfriend killed my people and stole my land so yes, I do have trust issues.

33. Maui: What can I say except you’re welcome?

34. Rapunzel: Looking for someone to pull my hair.

35. Mrs. Potts: I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle (size 34D if you must know) and here is my spout (nice and smoothly shaved). When I get all steamed up (maybe you can help with this?) hear me shout! Tip me over and pour me out (I hope you don’t mind a wet spot on your bed).

36. Snow White: Some day my prince will cum.

37. Yzma: Come let me pull the right lever.

38. Gepetto: I really know how to use my wood.

39. Cinderella: If you don’t like feet, swipe left.

40. Woody: Andy won’t be the only one that’s coming.

41. Li Shang: Girly guys and manly girls only. No Mongolians.

42. Mickey Mouse: Single and looking, last girlfriend was fuckin goofy.

43. Pinocchio: When I lie, my wood gets longer.

44. Belle: Don’t care what you look like as long as you have a big ass library. TC mark

Related

About the author
January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer. Her work has appeared on Facebook, ... Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.