42 Clean Christian Jokes That Will Make You Laugh In A Positively Spiritual Way

Ben White

1. What time of day was Adam created?

Just a little before Eve.

2. Who was the fastest runner in the race?

Adam. He was first in the human race.

3. Why are atoms Catholic?

Because they have mass.

4. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?

Because Noah was always standing on the deck

5. Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?

He only had two worms.

6. Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?

Nope — just an apple.

7. Why did the unemployed man get excited while reading his Bible?

He thought he saw a job.

8. Does God love everyone?

Yes, but He prefers “fruits of the spirit” to “religious nuts!”

9. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was a little lamb…

Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

10. What’s so funny about forbidden fruits?

They create many jams.

11. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?

He just knew there was something fishy about it.

12. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?

Absolutely ruthless

13. The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose.

Mosquitoes come close, though.

14. What kind of car does Jesus typically drive?

A Christler.

15. What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and a Unitarian?

Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason.

16. What excuse did Adam give his children about why he no longer lived in Eden?

Your mother ate us out of house and home!

17. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

18. Who was the first tennis player in the bible?

Joseph because he served in Pharaoh’s court

19. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

David — he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep

20. How do groups of angels greet each other?

Halo, halo, halo!

21. Who was the greatest moneyman in the Bible?

Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

22. What do we have that Adam never had?


23. Where was Solomon’s temple located?

On the side of his head.

24. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

25. How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it, obviously.

26. Who do mice pray to?


27. How do you make Holy Water?

You take some regular water and boil the devil out of it.

28. How long did Cain hate his brother?

As long as he was Abel.

29. Why did God create man before woman?

Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

30. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?

They were using fowl language.

31. Did you know they had cars in Jesus’ time?

Yup. The Bible says the disciples were all of one Accord.

32. Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’?

Same reason we sing Hymns instead of Hers!

33. What do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

34. Did you hear about the 1-800 service they have for atheists now?

You dial the number and it rings and rings but nobody answers

35. Who was the smartest man in the Bible?

Abraham. He knew a Lot.

36. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?


37. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

Samson — he brought the house down

38. Who was the best female finance lady in the Bible?

Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet

39. What do they call pastors in Germany?

A: German Shepherds

40. Which Bible Character is a locksmith?


41. Which Bible character had no parents?

Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

42. What’s the best way to study the Bible?

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January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.

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