30 Things You Can Now Do That You’re Out Of The Relationship You Didn’t Really Want To Be In Anyway


1. Confront the scary feeling that’s led you to prefer being with people you don’t love than being by yourself.

2. Reinvent yourself without worrying about the repercussions of someone who is invested in the person they fell in love with.  

3. Learn to thrive as a single person. Realize that the fear that kept you from this moment was indicative of how important it would be for who you’d become.

4. Light candles, drink wine, play your favorite music, cook yourself dinner and make it feel just as good as when you had plans to go out with someone.

5. Make more quality choices in the books you read and the people you spend time with… the person you’ll be in 5 years depends on it.  

6. Cry and say “thank you” to whatever force was more powerful than your fear, because leaving means you actually have a chance at real love now.

7. Be honest about the quality of that relationship – now that your ego isn’t relying on you to make it seem better than it was.

8. Evaluate why you keep getting into relationships you don’t want to be in (you know this isn’t the first).

9. Spend less time making yourself and your apartment presentable and more time doing things that impress *you.*

10. Sleep in by yourself on Saturdays, and spend afternoons with your best friend shopping and eating and not needing to be getting ready by 6.

11. Imagine just how committed and in love you’ll be with someone who is actually right for you.

12. Date outside your “type” (that doesn’t exist, and is possibly holding you back from the kind of person you really want).

13. Explore your sexuality in ways you maybe didn’t feel comfortable before.

14. Imagine all of the options you now have in your future that you couldn’t have had before.

15. Acknowledge everything you disliked about your last relationship, and let it teach you something about what you want next time.

16. Write a long list of all the things that give you a resounding “yes” feeling in your core (even if it’s as silly as what color you want to paint your bedroom walls and your favorite t-shirt). 

17. ^ Begin to adjust your life accordingly.

18. Decide what kind of person you want to be in the long-term. You can’t always know for certain who you’ll be with or what you’ll be doing, but you can decide whether or not you’re going to be grateful, well-read, kind, self-aware, and so on.

19. Take the nights you’re now spending with yourself to start your side gig or blog or take on some extra clients or write your book or do whatever it is you’ve always wanted but didn’t have the time.

20. Now that you don’t have to worry about dates and trips and gifts all the time, work on building a “peace of mind” savings account.

21. Delete all of the old music off your phone and start new.  

22. Decide what’s going to define this new chapter in your life, and for maybe the first time, make sure it’s something other than whether or not you have someone else’s love.

23. Reach out to the friends you’ve lost touch with over the years or don’t text enough. Make plans with the people who won’t leave you.

24. Be honest about the ways that you could stand to be a better person. Work on them.

25. Buy yourself a sex toy and never again exist under the illusion that you need a signifiant other for anything. 

26. Light candles and blast your favorite album while you shower. Realize there’s basically nothing you can’t make fun if you try.

27. Journal what you feel when you feel it, no matter how irrational, scary or weird those thoughts may be. If you can bring yourself to do that, it will lift a weight you didn’t even know you had.

28. Consciously try to be more loving toward other people. Nobody gets into a relationship they don’t really want to be in if their hearts are open. You might have to address that now.

29. Wake up every day and commit to never spending another second of your life doing anything that feels so profoundly wrong.

30. Validate your life. This means telling yourself that your life is more than enough as it is until you feel that it is. Develop the confidence that you’ll be able to respond to your life no matter what happens (that’s the reason people hang on to others in the first place). Thought Catalog Logo Mark

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.

More From Thought Catalog