The One Person You’re Not Supposed To Fall In Love With

You can fall in love with almost anyone. Go to a bar on a Tuesday night looking like crap and you might just end up finding your life partner hanging out by the jukebox. It happens. Love is quick. After years of waiting, it can finally appear just like that.

There are certain people, however, that you are not supposed to fall in love with. Having feelings for them is forbidden, a clear violation of the social order, and, unfortunately, knowing that you can’t touch them often makes it more enticing. It goes back to the whole Adam and Eve thing. If you tell someone not to eat the fruit, they’re going to, all of a sudden, develop a craving for it. Eve probably hated fruit, she looks like more of a savory kind of girl, but once she was told she couldn’t have nature’s candy, it became high on her radar.

The forbidden fruit can come in a variety of different forms. Your boss. Someone who is far too young or far too old for you. A sociopathic jerk. A good friend’s ex or, even worse, your best friend’s current boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s the ultimate no-no, isn’t it? It’s a taboo that’s been explored in countless movies, books and TV shows. What happens when the two people you trust the most — your best friend and your lover — hook up? It’s unconscionable! The ultimate betrayal! You are a no good, very bad, terrible person if you so much as look at your best friend’s significant other in a flirty way!

I get it. Hooking up with them is not allowed but, okay, look, hear me out because I have a shameful confession to make to you right now: I totally wanna have sex with my best friend’s boyfriend. Like, I look at him and my body is on fire. A Jewel song is playing at full volume. It’s intense! And I feel sick about it because this is not who I am at all. Historically, I’ve always been the most supportive person when it comes to my friends’ relationships. I’m the girl you go to for advice and call when there’s been a fight. I’ve always put people’s needs before my own. I’ve set up friends on dates and watched them happily get into a relationship while I remain single and in the background. Part of this is because I don’t get crushes on people that easily. I don’t click with 99% of the male population so when someone finally comes along that doesn’t make me dry heave I pay attention. Unfortunately, in this case, the person I’ve been paying attention to is my best friend’s boyfriend. The fruit I’m not supposed to eat, even though, hi, I’m starving.

We actually had insane chemistry the moment we were introduced. I met him at a bar when my BFF had just begun dating him. We shook hands and it was like a cheesy rom-com moment where we both were like, “And I’m obsessed with you. Goodbye forever.” That night we couldn’t stop talking, which was awkward, because my friend was just hanging out and couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I finally came up for air and realized how sketchy the whole situation looked. To smooth things over, I became distant and excused myself from the conversation. In the future, I decided that it’d be best to avoid hanging out with my BFF if she was with her boyfriend because it was just too weird.

I know this sounds presumptuous and perhaps a bit delusional but I’m pretty sure the boyfriend is in to me too. He’s always finding excuses to touch me and exchange coy smiles when my friend isn’t looking. Ugh, geez, when did my life become an episode of Beverly Hills, 90210? I can’t be a homewrecker like Kelly Taylor! The whole situation sucks beyond belief because I am someone who does not fall in love easily. You know those friends who are always in relationships and it seems like they could get a crush on basically anyone with a pulse? I’m not like that. I spend most of my time feeling like an alien and wondering when I will stop feeling so out of sync with boys. So when I met my best friend’s boyfriend, I was just beside myself. Finally! A man that speaks my language! Eureka! Why, oh why, does it have to be the one person I’m not supposed to have?

Being single is hard and it gets harder and harder every day. I am not going to even bother putting a cute spin on it and be like, “OMG, spinster. Just hanging out with my Thai food and DVR, LOL.” No, it’s not even worth feeding into clichés because the actual reality of being single and feeling like no one relates to you is so sad and alienating. I guess the one positive thing about having feelings for my best friend’s boyfriend is that at least I know now that I’m not dead inside. At least I know I can have these feelings for someone. It’s possible! I’m never going to make a move on him, I couldn’t live with myself if I did that, but I guess I would just like to know when I’m going to be able to eat the nice fruit without being poisoned. When am I going to fall in love with someone who is able to fall in love with me? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

“Crush(ed)” is brought to you by ABC’s Mistresses, a new drama about the scandalous lives of a sexy and sassy group of four girlfriends, each on her own path to self-discovery. Watch a sneak peek here, and be sure to tune in to the premiere on Monday, June 3rd at 10|9c on ABC.

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.

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