I want to date you, but I can’t be the only one putting effort into our relationship. I can’t be the only one who initiates conversations. The only one who plans to get together on weekends. The only one who gives a shit about whether we become closer or stay at the same distance.
I’m not going to chase after you anymore. I’m not going to daydream about what I should text you while I’m stuck at work. I’m not going to stare at my screen and wish that you would text me back after a decent amount of time. I’m not going to expect you to give me the kind of treatment that I deserve after months of being neglected by you.
I know what you are willing to give me by now. Enough to keep me interested, but not to keep me happy. Enough to make me feel like you care, but not enough to make me feel like you are committed. You have been giving me a little bit, but not even close to the amount that I have been giving you.
Chasing after you hurts me more than it should. I cannot keep hanging onto the idea that we will get together when it’s becoming clear to me that we are never going to become a couple. We are never going to be anything more than friends.
Friends who flirt. Friends with chemistry. Friends who are highly attracted to each other. But somehow, still just friends.
As much as I love bantering back and forth with you until midnight and hearing about how much you miss me and getting snaps of you lying in bed, I cannot keep chasing after you when I know that it isn’t going to lead anywhere. I know that I am never going to get what I want from you, because what I want is a real relationship that isn’t at all one-sided.
Even though I want to date you, I am not willing to rearrange my morals for you. I am not going to lower my standards or my expectations. I am not going to accept less than I deserve because I can’t make my feelings for you go away.
It’s going to be hard for me to ignore your texts. To stay silent instead of making a flirty remark. To resist the urge to talk to you when I am fueled by late night drinks or my morning coffee. It is going to be hard work to erase you from my life. It is going to take a lot of effort on my part.
Of course, it is something that I have to do if I want to find happiness. I deserve more than you have been giving me. I deserve more than a one-sided love.
Even though I want to date you, even though I want you to be part of my future, I can’t keep chasing you. I have to walk away. I have to say goodbye.