We should have told each other how we felt instead of leaving our emotions unspoken. We should have been brave enough to look each other in the eyes and talk things through. We should have taken a chance on each other.
We should have chosen the right thing over the easy thing. We should have listened to our hearts over our heads. We should have realized that our connection was too important to sever.
We should have embraced our feelings instead of working so hard to hide them. We should have been honest with each other instead of finding ways to lie to each other. We should have had the decency to tell the truth instead of playing pretend.
We should have acknowledged the sexual tension instead of acting like it didn’t exist. We should have told the truth instead of covering up our real feelings with jokes and sarcasm. We should have been more blunt, so we didn’t have to sit up at night, analyzing each other’s words.
We should have been smart enough to see that all of the bantering between us, all of the secrets we swapped, actually meant something. We should have been clever enough to notice that we returned each other’s feelings, that it wasn’t one-sided, not at all. And we should have been brave enough to say that out loud instead of keeping our thoughts locked inside.
We should have done something differently. We shouldn’t have let our relationship die before it officially began. We shouldn’t have allowed things to go down this route of destruction.
We should have replaced playing hard to get with telling the truth. We should have replaced our late nights joking around with early mornings spilling our feelings. We should have replaced our casual attitudes with authenticity.
We shouldn’t have let timing get in the way. We shouldn’t have let our friendship get in the way. We shouldn’t have let our stupid fears of ruining what we already had get in the way.
We shouldn’t have tried so hard to come across as the person who cared less than the other. We shouldn’t have let our egos, our desire to seem emotionless, get in the way of our future. We shouldn’t have worried about what would happen if we revealed the truth, if we admitted that yes we like each other, yes we want more than this.
We shouldn’t have been okay the way things were. We shouldn’t have been okay without a label for so long. We shouldn’t have been okay without a real commitment when we both wanted one.
We shouldn’t have acted like we weren’t jealous when we actually were. We shouldn’t have acted like there was nothing between us when there clearly was. We shouldn’t have acted like we didn’t care when we obviously did.
Looking back, I hate the way we handled things, because we shouldn’t have pretended we were just friends when everyone could see we were so much more than that.