Being a second choice means keeping your schedule free just in case. Since you are the backup plan, you never know when they will contact you at the last second. Chances are, they will only pay attention to you when they are bored and lonely. They will only make plans to see you after they realize no one ‘better’ is available to come over.
Being a second choice means that you are always disappointed. When you are excited to spend the day with them, they will either cancel at the last second or spend the entire time with you on their phone. They will make it obvious that seeing you doesn’t mean as much to them as it means to you.
Being a second choice means swallowing stupid excuses again and again. You are used to hearing that they were too busy to text you back or that they totally forget they were supposed to meet up with you. You accept their sorries, even when you can tell they aren’t authentic.
Being a second choice means that, no matter what you do, it is never enough. You can answer a text two seconds later and will still have to wait half a day to hear back again. You can pick up food for them or buy them a nice birthday gift, and they still won’t realize how much you care. You can do everything right and will still feel like you messed up somehow.
Being a second choice means putting in extra effort. You go out of your way to see them, even though they would never do that for you. You try your hardest to impress them, even though they couldn’t care less what you think. You go above and beyond to stand out from everybody else, to make them see that you are worth their time.
Being a second choice means that your jealousy runs wild. There is another person that your crush flirts with when they don’t realize you’re watching. There is another person that your crush uploads snaps with and spends time with one-on-one. You don’t want to hate this person, but you can’t help yourself, because you feel like you have to compete with them.
Being a second choice means spotting red flags left and right. When they show you something on their phone, you notice that they still have dating apps downloaded. When their screen lights up, you notice heart emojis next to the other person’s name. When you are around them, you notice you are paying more attention to them than they ever pay to you.
Being a second choice means making all of the first moves. You text first. You ask if they are free to hang out. And if you have to, you rearrange your schedule to see them. You do whatever you can to kickstart your relationship with them. Meanwhile, they put in zero work.
Being a second choice means feeling like the relationship — if you can even call it that — is completely one-sided. You’re the only one who cares. You’re the only one who would be heartbroken if you parted ways. You’re the only one invested.
Being a second choice means that you spend most of your nights being miserable. Questioning what you could be doing better. Wondering if you should hold out for someone better. Unsure of whether you are doing the right thing or are just wasting your time.