We pretend we are just friends, but there is something unspoken between us. There is chemistry. Sexual tension. Whenever our hands brush, even if it’s just during a handshake or a high-five, I feel the sparks jolting off of our skin. Whenever our eyes meet, electricity courses through my body. There is no denying there is something between us that we have never voiced aloud.
We pretend we are just friends, but everyone sees the way we look at each other. Friends and coworkers and family members all ask me why we aren’t dating and I have to come up with a valid reason. I have to fake a laugh and lie about how I’m not your type or how things would never work out between us or how I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I have to act like dating you is the most ridiculous idea in the world, when really, it’s what I daydream about during every free moment.
We pretend we are just friends, but we cross the line all the time. We reach out to hold each other’s hands while watching movies on your couch. We linger during hugs because neither of us want to pull away. We find any excuse to touch each other and we talk about how funny it would be if we did date.
We pretend we are just friends, but we get jealous when another person comes into the picture. I can’t stomach the thought of seeing you with anyone other than me, even if it’s just on a stupid Instagram picture. And whenever I mention another guy friend, you jump into jealous mode. You don’t want me with anyone else and I don’t want you with anyone else. That much is obvious.
We pretend we are just friends, but then you go and look at me like I’m the only girl in the room. Like you’re dying to press your lips against mine. Like you’ve been waiting the whole day to get me alone in a room because you hate when other people are around, distracting me from you, distancing me from you.
We pretend we are just friends, but we flirt like we are much more than that. You notice whenever I change my hair or do something new with my makeup. You compliment me whenever I take the time to dress up or when I look pretty dressed down. You tell me how much you miss me when we spend too long apart and put in actual effort to see me.
We pretend we are just friends, but we both know that is a lie. That we are doing what feels the most comfortable. That we are both afraid of what would happen if we were brave enough to admit the truth.
And the truth is, you treat me like more than a friend. You treat me like someone you want to make out with underneath the summer stars, someone you want to snuggle with on cold winter nights.
You treat me like you want me as much as I want you.