She hates the term ‘almost relationship’ because it implies that you two weren’t close enough. That you almost meant something to each other. That you almost had something wonderful.
But that’s not true at all. You meant the world to her. You were the person she thought about from the second her phone beeped in the morning until her head sunk into her pillow at night.
You were the person that she told all of her friends about, the person that she replayed conversations with inside of her head. She waited for texts with your name on them. She dressed in her favorite outfits on the days she knew she’d be running into you. She rearranged her schedule to fit you into her life.
She wanted to be with you and — even though it didn’t work out in the end — she knows there was a time when you wanted to be with her, too. She knows that you felt the same way, that she wasn’t imagining the spark that existed between you.
There was something electric in the air whenever you locked eyes from across a crowded room, whenever you sat a little too close and your shoulders grazed, whenever you gathered the courage to touch her lips.
Every time she thinks back on those moments, on all those times when you made a smile fill her face or a laugh escape her throat, she feels the same butterflies she did the first time. The memories are still fresh in her mind, torturing her.
Even though it looks like she’s moved on, she still thinks about you all the time. She still wonders where it all went wrong and wonders whether there was something she could have done differently, something that would have ended in an official relationship.
She hates that you’re not in contact anymore, that you’re strangers again.
She misses you like mad, but she’s not sure what the correct protocol is for a situation like this. Does she text you casually, like she doesn’t have any questions about what happened? Does she confront you? Or does she squash the urge to let you back into her world and let herself move on?
She doesn’t know what to do, so she does nothing. She lets you live your life. She lets you go.
She realizes that what you two had was only an almost relationship, but it meant more to her than some of her actual relationships. She misses you more than any of her exes.
You may be long gone by now, but she hasn’t forgotten about you yet. And she’s not sure if she ever will.