Her depression makes her feel worthless. Like she has nothing of value to contribute to the world. Like she’s existing instead of actually living.
There are times, so many times, when she feels alone. When she’s convinced that no one else could possibly understand what she’s going through, except for the bands on her playlists. That’s why she hides in her room, under the covers, with her headphones on.
She listens to every lyric, comforted by the fact that someone has put her thoughts into words, even if they’re on the other side of the world and she may never meet them in person. Music is one of the only things that helps her, that resurges her strength.
Because she’s had enough of this world, of the lies and the confusion and the disappointment that follow her around every damn day.
She doesn’t admit this to most people, but there were times when she’s thought about ending her life. Maybe she took the idea seriously and wrote out her note. Or maybe it was just a fleeting thought she had when she was taking her pills or waiting for her train or driving her car down a busy road.
But she didn’t overdose on those pills. She didn’t step onto those tracks. She didn’t crash that car.
She chose to keep on living — even though it was the harder option. Even though she hates her life, hates herself. Even though she only wants a little bit of peace.
But she pushed past her pain and did the bravest thing a person could ever do. She woke up the next morning. She continued on her path.
You see, those times when she felt the weakest were actually her strongest moments. Because she suffered through them and made it out alive.
Even though her pillowcase is stained with tears, she’s still alive. Even though she has scars on her wrists, she’s still alive. Even though she wants to die, she’s still alive.
That makes her a survivor. A strong, fierce, powerful woman. And she should be proud of that.
She should be proud of herself for everything that she’s accomplished — even the small things. Getting out of bed. Brushing her teeth. Showering. Answering an email. Writing an essay. Taking a walk.
Some days, those ‘simple’ things aren’t easy for her. They take effort. They take courage. They take strength.
This world has tested her, and it will continue to test her, but she has what it takes to endure. She has so much strength hidden inside of her — and if she ever doubts that, all she has to do is feel her pulse.
Because she’s alive. And that means she’s stronger than she feels.