1. I want to get to know the real you.
I don’t want the perfect version of you who always responds with a witty text and a cute emoji. I want the real you, standing right in front of me, with sweaty palms and stuttered words. I don’t give a damn about the version of you that takes twenty minutes to respond so you say just the right thing. I want the imperfect, unfiltered version of you.
2. The awkward silences are important.
I want to bask in the moments when we’re sitting across the table from each other and can’t think of anything else to say. Those are the times when some ridiculous topic will come up, because it’ll be the first thing that pops into our heads. Then we’ll get to talk about zombie invasions and polka music instead of complaining about the election for the hundredth time.
3. It’s not serious if we never see each other.
Texting me day and night without making actual plans is just a way to string me along, so you don’t have to make a real commitment. That way, you’ll have me around to make you feel better about yourself on lonely nights, but you won’t be stuck with me during the inconvenient times when you want to fuck other people.
4. I want to be the only thing on your mind.
You might be texting me at the same time you’re texting ten other girls. How am I supposed to know? I want to be face-to-face with you so you can’t copy and paste your conversations. So you can show me that you’re willing to listen to what I have to say, and that you’re not just nodding along.
5. Sexting isn’t as good as the real deal.
Reading a message about how badly you want to run your tongue across my body is nice, but it doesn’t replace the real thing. I don’t want to hold a vibrator in my hand while I look at your dick pics. I want you to be the one rubbing against my clit. That’s real intimacy.
6. The phone causes too many misunderstandings.
I can’t figure out your tone when we’re texting. I can’t decide if you’re joking around in a flirty way or if you’re just being a douche. And when you phrase something in a confusing way, I can’t even continue the conversation, because I have no idea what you’re trying to say. Talking in person would make all of those problems disappear.
7. I don’t take half-measures.
If we barely know each other, technology isn’t bringing us together. It’s pulling us apart. It’s stopping us from going out on dates, because we know we can just Skype until we fall asleep, so we don’t have to get dressed and get out of the house. It’s making us lazy, even though real relationships require real effort.
8. They didn’t need phones back in the day.
The happy couples out there, who have been married for fifty plus years, didn’t use phones to communicate. They kept their relationships strong by going out on picnics and looking up at the stars and actually looking each other in the eyes.
9. Texting is holding us back.
I’m a real person with real feelings. It’s easy to forget that when you never see my smirk after you sext me or hear me laugh after you make a ridiculous pun. But how are we supposed to take the next step in our love story when I don’t even feel real to you? We need to be brave and go out on an old fashioned date if we want something serious.
10. I can’t fall in love over a phone.
It’s just not going to happen. I need to look into your hazel eyes and feel your plump lips. I need to smell your aftershave and hear you say my name. Texting was a great way to get to know you, but it’s not going to let me fall in love with you. For that to happen, we’d have to put down the phones and pick up our car keys.