Gaby Dunn

They make fun of your clothing choices. Like, you get dressed, meet up with them and they say, “Oh man, is that what you’re wearing?” Yes. Because I am out of the house and outside this bar with you. So yeah, it’s what I’m wearing. Thanks for the self-consciousness.

Even if they said they wanted to be beside me, I’d start to feel guilty and probably suspect they’re only there out of obligation — or not wanting to look like the dirtbag who dumps the sick girl.

I remember watching this the first time around with many people romanticizing and squeeing over the Buffy and Spike relationship.

Maybe like Robert Johnson sang, you’re willing to sacrifice, to trade your soul or some freedoms or some other paths you could go down just to pick a side of the crossroads to trek down. 2013 is the time.

They will fight you, kicking and screaming, and still not realize they are in trouble.

Others were Infinite Jest-style burdens. Heavy on your back or in your purse. Weighing you down all the time.

You know the person you’re with is just not good enough for you but somehow that makes you feel powerful instead of shitty.

Do you like Seth Rogen? You’re welcome to see The Guilt Trip with me! All hail queen Babs Streisand.

I accepted as an undisputed truth that I was a person who failed at relationships. Then, someone came along who I actually wanted to make an effort toward and suddenly everything I thought were just ingrained personality traits changed.

Taylor Swift can date everyone in Hollywood including Dame Judy Dench and I’d still find this topic boring.

Everyone knows peer pressure and drugs make it cool to be gay now. Haven’t you seen Glee and other ways the mass media glorify homosexuality?

Where does my intensity go if it’s no longer there during the day?

There’s three types of freshman journalism majors: ones who want to be Carrie Bradshaw, ones who want to write for Rolling Stone, and ones who want to be Woodward and Bernstein. I was the last one.

To someone you want to hook up with: “just so there’s no confusion, you can have sex with me whenever you want. like legit whenever. just come over. ;) ;) ;)”

Bubble bath with rose petals in the water and Sade on the iPod. Corny but efficient.

Everyone in the world has had diarrhea at some point.

Just wanted to let you know I’m wicked gay now and that’s why we didn’t work out. Nothing to do with you! Sorry! SUPER GAY. – Person who rejected you for no understandable reason

Tell real-life scary stories, like the one time you didn’t have health insurance or the pregnancy test you took in college.