Time heals all wounds. Just give it time. Be patient.

You’ve heard it all before. You’re grieving a loss in your life and everyone’s advice is to just give it time. Wait for the days to pass. Eventually, the load will get lighter.

And that’s true. But healing doesn’t only take time – it takes concentrated, conscious effort.

When I was a senior in college, I went through a terrible breakup that was intertwined with a betrayal from one of my best friends. I was reeling. I was devastated. And I wanted to feel better.

Mostly, I was told to just wait and that I would eventually feel less sad. But, thankfully, there was someone in my life who told me that I had to try to make myself feel better. I couldn’t just wait for the calendar to change. I had to change. It’s not enough to wait.

And I did. I started doing yoga – which I know is an incredibly cliche thing to do after a break-up but it really helped. I’m a chronic over-thinker and neurotic as hell. The fall that I started doing yoga, I realized it was the one place where my mind was quiet. I had to focus on my body – on the alignment of my spine and the sequence of poses. Everything else fell to a low hum, at least for an hour. So I started going five days a week. And, for an hour, I could breathe.

I started a blog, madgirlf.tumblr.com, and started sharing my poetry online. I had always wanted to be a writer and finally, I was taking concrete steps to build the life I dreamt of.

I made time to see friends who lifted me out of my own head. I planned trips to see my sisters and cousins. I looked to the future.

And, as I did those things, the days fell away. The load got lighter. The effort paid off.