In today’s society we always have this “make more friends idea” shoved down our throats. Why does society force feed us to believe that our lives will somehow be more complete if we have others to witness it?
Here’s the thing, I have an amazing support in my family, but I have zero friends, or even acquaintances outside of that.
I am so so happy, and in a great place. I am attending university full-time, working on my career, and have so much free time to myself. You may wonder what I do during my free time now that I have no friends. I can definitely tell you that my free time feels more relaxing, and definitely is way cheaper.
I have more “me” time.
I remember when my phone used to be ringing left and right and suddenly an hour would fly by of me being the open ear for a friend. It gets tiring being the tissue box after a while.
I would feel exhausted always feeling like I had to be there for others, when I could barely keep up with myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I felt like during the week I was working either on school or work, and then during my only free time on the weekends, I was playing the therapist or entertainer for others.
I save more money.
I remember when I had friends, I would see them every weekend. Our usual routine was to go out to eat, maybe see a movie, and/or go to the bar.
It’s weird how with friends we spend money on things we don’t normally spend money on if we are alone. A typical night could have cost me about $20-50. If you multiply that by the number of times you see them, you realize you just threw away money equivalent to about 3 weeks of gas (depending on how much you drive.)
It’s not just the monetary value you spent, but the time. That time could have been put to more useful things like working or working towards a goal.
I don’t need to seek approval from others, I am my own biggest resource now.
I think the biggest reason people feel like they need friends is this whole “I need a shoulder to lean on” concept.
Honestly, you don’t need that at all. If you can’t lean on yourself, that’s a problem.
I understand sometimes we may need some help here and there. I think that results in being too occupied in being there for others. It results in a vicious cycle that makes you always be in a position of need.
I don’t need a friend to help with homework, I’ll find a tutoring center. I don’t need a friend to give me advice, I’m probably better off seeking professional advice.
I remember when I was going through a tough time in my life, I felt like my friends made it worse by saying things like, “Oh just get over it, just get out more!”
I felt like my healing process just required a lot of thinking, reflecting, and self-love and I couldn’t find that being stuck at another’s hip. I feel like now I can chase my passions without a friend saying, “Oh, that’s too dangerous or risky, better not.”
It’s so liberating that I don’t have to worry about having a second, third, or fourth voice to actually do more harm instead of good.