Girls Without Any Friends Actually End Up The Happiest

Girl without any friend
Unsplash / Chaz McGregor

In today’s society we always have this “make more friends idea” shoved down our throats. Why does society force feed us to believe that our lives will somehow be more complete if we have others to witness it?

Here’s the thing, I have an amazing support in my family, but I have zero friends, or even acquaintances outside of that.

I am so so happy, and in a great place. I am attending university full-time, working on my career, and have so much free time to myself. You may wonder what I do during my free time now that I have no friends. I can definitely tell you that my free time feels more relaxing, and definitely is way cheaper.

I have more “me” time.

I remember when my phone used to be ringing left and right and suddenly an hour would fly by of me being the open ear for a friend. It gets tiring being the tissue box after a while.

I would feel exhausted always feeling like I had to be there for others, when I could barely keep up with myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I felt like during the week I was working either on school or work, and then during my only free time on the weekends, I was playing the therapist or entertainer for others.

I save more money.

I remember when I had friends, I would see them every weekend. Our usual routine was to go out to eat, maybe see a movie, and/or go to the bar.

It’s weird how with friends we spend money on things we don’t normally spend money on if we are alone. A typical night could have cost me about $20-50. If you multiply that by the number of times you see them, you realize you just threw away money equivalent to about 3 weeks of gas (depending on how much you drive.)

It’s not just the monetary value you spent, but the time. That time could have been put to more useful things like working or working towards a goal.

I don’t need to seek approval from others, I am my own biggest resource now.

I think the biggest reason people feel like they need friends is this whole “I need a shoulder to lean on” concept.

Honestly, you don’t need that at all. If you can’t lean on yourself, that’s a problem.

I understand sometimes we may need some help here and there. I think that results in being too occupied in being there for others. It results in a vicious cycle that makes you always be in a position of need.

I don’t need a friend to help with homework, I’ll find a tutoring center. I don’t need a friend to give me advice, I’m probably better off seeking professional advice.

I remember when I was going through a tough time in my life, I felt like my friends made it worse by saying things like, “Oh just get over it, just get out more!”

I felt like my healing process just required a lot of thinking, reflecting, and self-love and I couldn’t find that being stuck at another’s hip. I feel like now I can chase my passions without a friend saying, “Oh, that’s too dangerous or risky, better not.”

It’s so liberating that I don’t have to worry about having a second, third, or fourth voice to actually do more harm instead of good. TC mark

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  • http://tinukeawe.wordpress.com Atinuke

    I can totally relate with this post. Most of the time, I get drained and wish I just stay friendless, if there’s any word like that. I’m glad I’m not alone and not weird for being my best without my friends. Thanks for sharing

  • http://thewordpressowl.wordpress.com theOwl30

    So much to say. First, I enjoyed reading this post. But I also like to pose questions and offer devil’s-advocate type comments. Not to be mean but to think things through, deeper and also to explore things that maybe I hadn’t thought about. Here goes:
    1. But do you ever go out to eat, see a movie or have a beer by yourself? You may be saving money, but have you ended up stopping things you used to enjoy? Hopefully not.
    2. You are still in school/College? Once you finish school, get started in your career/stable job, it may get old to go to work and come home to…? If your old friends get married, buy a house, go on beach trips, etc. but you are spending lots of time alone going to work and coming home….will this get old? Will you put all if your happiness in the success-at-work basket? Would you become a workaholic? Suppose you poured yourself into your career only to discover that you work for a boss who doesn’t recognize your efforts or who promotes someone else who is less competent and)or more of a slacker? In school, more correct answers earn you a better score in an exam, but once “out in the world” doing a better job is NOT a guarantee you will be promoted over someone else. …i.e. ..” it’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know”. Now you’re bummed out and need a friend. But what if now, their cup is empty or they are too busy to listen? I am not telling you what to do. It’s more of an asking: Does it matter to you? We all decide on our own.
    Why have friends? I think a good reason would be to have kindred-spirits to go through Life with. Still, Ud rather have a few Good ones, than many I hardly have anything in common with. To expand further, have you ever heard of the MBTI ? This is the “Myers-Briggs” Type Indicator. A Good old Book on it is called: Type Talk. Amazon.com has it. Thanks for reading this. Just felt like commenting/sharing. Psychology, personality and Relationships are fun for me to read about.

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