When I Fall In Love, This Is How I Want It To Be

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I want love to be certain. I don’t want love to look forward to broken relationships and believe in pain and suffering and breaking more than it believes in the magnitude of love. I don’t want love saying things like ‘it’s inevitable’ or ‘it’s supposed to happen.’ I don’t want ambiguity; too many things and people in my life are already unsure of whether or not they’ll stay. Love, however—I want it to be sure. I want love to be sure of its affection, feeling, heart—for me.

I want love to always try. I don’t want love to be lax. I want love to always set the ground we walk on fire. To always exert efforts, to do things to make the relationship work. I don’t want love to know that this isn’t another petty come-and-go relationship. I want love to make a huge impact on my life, and I to their life.

I want love to be firm, that we will fight for this, as much as we can. That we will always choose each other. That our heart for each other will always be greater than any frustration, argument, or fight. That at the end of the day, love will not sweep it under the rug or shake it off, love will communicate and will make sure we are honest about how we feel, with our pain, and everything else in between. That before we go to sleep at night, we know our hearts are pure, not hating nor counting, but having everything out there in the open.

Lastly, I want US to be careful.

I don’t want us to destroy each other when a certain time reaches us. I don’t want us going around slamming doors on each other’s faces and calling each other names, yelling all the things we did for each other as if we owe it to one another; I don’t want that. I just want us to try harder, love each other more, care for each other better every day — most especially on the difficult days. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Dian is the author of Catastrophes, a prose and poetry collection exploring living and loving, breaking and mending, falling and rising, losing and surviving. Get in touch with her on Instagram and Twitter.

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