1.

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.

2.

How do you get them out again?
With Doritos.

3.

What is funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.

4.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
Nail it’s other hand to the floor

5.

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.

6.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

7.

How do you make a dead baby float?
A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of baby.

8.

What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.

9.

What bounces up and down at 100mph?

A baby tied to the back of a truck.

10.

What is red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower.

11.

What is green and hangs around trees?
Same baby 3 weeks later.

12.

What is brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

13.

What do vegetarian ogres eat? Cabbage patch kids.

14.

What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.

15.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

16.

What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!

17.

What is red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.

18.

What is blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.

19.

What’s the difference between a baby and a pizza?
A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.

20.

What is black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it’s finger in a power socket.

21.

What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
A baby in your freezer.

22.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

23.

What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.

24.

What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.

25.

What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler!

26.

What’s got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.

27.

What do you call a baby on a pike?
A lollipop.

28.

What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
What do you call the baby when it lands?
Free pizza.

29.

What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

30.

What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.

31.

What’s the difference between a soccer ball and a baby?
I’ve never kicked a soccer ball over 50 yards.

32.

What do babies and baseballs have in common?
The neighbor gets angry when you throw them through their window.

33.

What’s the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can’t gargle gravel.

34.

What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.

35.

What’s the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don’t get second looks when you’re writing with a felt tip marker!

36.

What’s the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won’t stick to the roof of your mouth.

37.

What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth?
Your baby’s leg.

38.

What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

39.

What is the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit.

40.

What’s the difference between 100 dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don’t keep a Ferrari in my garage.

41.

How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb?
Depend on how good you are at stacking them.

42.

How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb?
Couldn’t tell you. I have 50 in my basement, and the light is still out.

43.

How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends how high your ceiling is.

44.

What do babies and an Etch A Sketch have in common?
If you don’t like how it looks, you can shake it until it goes away.

45.

What is the difference between a deer and a baby?
I don’t have a deer head mounted above my mantle.

46.

What screams as it goes round and round?
A baby on a spit roast.

47.

What do a dead baby’s head and a bottle cap have in common?
They come off easier if you twist them.

48.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
Cuz it was stapled to the chicken.

49.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand?
You can’t move a pile of sand with a pitchfork.

50.

What is the difference between a dead baby and a granola bar?
About 500 calories.