Chrissy Stockton

Rob has a favorite sister, and it’s Kylie.

End up taking pulls of chocolate syrup directly out of the squeezie bottle that you found buried in the condiment shelf in your fridge. Note that the expiration date was 4 months ago. Keep squeezing.

“Someone had actually been living in their attic.”

“Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!”

Dropping a penny off the side of the Empire State Building could kill someone.

You have a “Coexist” bumper sticker….on your bike.

You’re totally going to throw up tonight!

The Royal Tennenbaums almost cost us Arrested Development!

“If tomorrow the world ends–why shouldn’t we be with the ones we really love?”

The bull shark can migrate up rivers, so it’s not even limited to oceans–it’s been spotted as far up the Mississippi as Illinois.

The universe has no restrictions. You place restrictions on the universe with your expectations.

Small talk is basically kryptonite for 20-somethings. At least, if it’s taking place IRL.

The girls used actual Wiccan rites.

He was wearing the suit in hopes of convincing people they had seen Bigfoot.

My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.

if unhappy is your default setting, other people can’t afford to be around you.

There’s basically a giant space ship at the bottom of the ocean.

He waited until his girlfriend was asleep and then did this: