17 Men On The Specific Reason They Turned A Woman Down When She Made The First Move

Men like to say women give mixed signals and expect men to be mind-readers, but this tends to be true of people from both genders. Over on r/AskMen, men discussed why they’ve turned down women, even though they (generally) wish women would make the first move more often.


1. There was a big age difference

“Yes, she was a co-worker, and she was 16; I’m 26. Nope nope nope.”

2. It wasn’t about me, she just wanted *someone* (bad)

“Yes, I got a bad vibe and sensed that something wasn’t right with her. She ended up stalking me for a year and a half, until she found a guy that said yes to her.”

3. She had hooked up with a lot of my friends

“Yeah she had fucked too many of my freinds. I would just had been thinking the entire time, “Damn my dick is in the same place as Aaron, DJ, Peter, Mike, Gary, John and Sean has been.'”

4. I only get with girls I know and trust

“I had a pregnancy scare with a one night stand. She was legitimately pregnant, but the O.B. dated her pregnancy to 5 weeks before our encounter. She didn’t accept that I wasn’t the father and tried to get child support out of me.

Unless I’ve known the person a while, it’s always a ‘no’ now.”

5. Lack of attraction or availability

“1)I’m not attracted to the girl.. at all

2) I’m out with friends. I don’t do well flirting in front of my friends, I just feel weird. I’ve had girls approach me in bars while out in my group, and I just kind of ignore them/never really flirt back.”

6. I was already dating someone… her cousin

“My then girlfriend’s cousin. She was visiting my girlfriend and her family. She had her boyfriend break up with her because of a medical condition she acquired and he couldn’t deal with it. I was just being friendly, nice, and supportive. She took it the wrong way and cornered me in the laundry room and was coming on to me. I told her no that I am dating her cousin and it was not the time or place for anything to happen.”

7. She was trying to cheat on her boyfriend

“I don’t care if you’re crazy hot and your birth control is making you unbearably horny right here in this empty library. You have a boyfriend, and that would be wrong.”

8. I’m not attracted to her

“Yeah, when I wasn’t attracted to her. It happened a few times before I got married.

Turning someone down does NOT come comfortably or naturally though. I have a huge amount of respect for women who have to do this all the time, especially given that they have to worry about the guy getting pissed off or aggressive.

The first time a girl made the first move with me I actually reciprocated mainly because I didn’t know what else to do without being a total asshole, then I just plain ghosted her after that. Not real proud of that one. So I guess score one for your friend’s point of view.

Subsequently I did the whole “I’m really flattered and you seem like a cool person but not really my type” thing.”

9. I was religious

“I’ve turned down quite a few. Not that I am a stud or anything, but I would say that I used to be. When I was working as a personal trainer I was approached by women all the time, but (at the time) I was also religious and/or in a relationship. A couple of these were utterly painful to turn down and I still think about them to this day.”

10. I was taken

“I work in a bar, so yes, constantly. Most take it well and leave it once I tell them I have a girlfriend. But you also have the slightly stalkerish ones that wait for you to leave and then follow you to your car.”

11. I have to make good decisions because of my son

“When I was young I turned girls down because I was deeply religious. Later I said no a couple times because I was in a relationship. Recently I said no to a single mother because I saw multiple red flags. That was the most difficult, because things can get lonely as a single full-time dad, and she is exquisitely beautiful. If it didn’t involve my son, I would have jumped straight off that cliff. But it is guaranteed to go badly, and I’m not going to put my son through the chaos she would bring to my life. This way our kids can stay friends and the playground doesn’t become a warzone. Friendship is fine, it doesn’t activate our crazy the way intimacy does.”

12. She was too aggressive

“Right after I turned 21, I went out with a group of my high school friends and they brought some of their friends along, too. We were sitting at a table in the bar and the girl across from me takes her shoe off and starts rubbing my junk under the table. We had spoken for maybe 30 seconds total before this happened. I thought it was completely trashy and did not turn me on at all. I removed her foot from my crotch, moved seats, and carried on with my night without even so much as making eye contact with her.”

13. They weren’t my type

“Of course I’ve turned down women who made the first move. Reason was they weren’t my type. But I always give kudos when they take the initiative.”

14. She was rude

“She was fucking gnarly, and her line to hit on me at the end of the night (this was at a house party) was “You may be my only option for penis at this point.'”

15. She was WAY too forward

“I was drunk at a bar when this woman came up and started flirting with me. She put her hand on my crotch. I didn’t really find her attractive but it also didn’t really matter because that was a big red flag flashing in my semi-consciousness. I had to get out of there.”

16. She was a gold digger

“Yeah, I had a girl at a bar ask me my income. I told her I can support myself. A few minutes later she asked if I wanted to fuck. Nope.”

17. I just wanted to be friends with them

“A few times. Mainly because I only saw them as friends and wasn’t interested in going beyond that with these girls. Even though kissing in itself isn’t a big deal I feel like it complicates things because it adds a bit of sexual tension in the friendship that probably wasn’t there before that can damage the friendship.”

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