15 Women Give Their Non-Creepy Tips To Pick Them Up

Over on Reddit a user asked how to approach a woman you don’t know without seeming ‘creepy.’ Here’s the best suggestions.

1. Don’t trap her


Don’t trap them. This means don’t do it in an elevator, or block them in their seat on the bus or train. This makes them feel threatened and isn’t good for your chances.

2. Avoid touching


No “touching” either, creepiest guy I’ve ever dealt with put his arm around me while we were riding the city bus, we were in the same college classes and had talked to each other once or twice but that instantly made me want to run away as fast as I could.

3. Be careful when hitting on someone who is getting paid to be nice to you


I’ll add that chatting a woman up while she’s working is a bad idea. If you’re her customer, she’s probably required to be as nice and inviting as possible with you.

4. Don’t be a player


A polite introduction will work wonders with me. I find it highly unattractive when people try pickup lines or say something like “Ayo, shawty”.

5. Depressing reality: try to look cute


1. Be attractive
2. Don’t be unattractive
Goes for both genders, really.

6. Try just being nice


You’d be surprised how a guy just simply being nice is refreshing. Comment on the book she’s reading. “Great book, right?” with a smile would do wonders.

7. Laughter is the best icebreaker


If you can find a way to make us laugh, you’re in

8. Talk to a woman like she’s a regular person


Just talk to us?

Case in point – I work at a local newspaper. On Anzac Day a couple years ago, I was covering a service in a nearby town and took a photo of the bugler from the municipal band as he played the Last Post. It was a pretty rad photo, and he came in a few days later and bought a copy of it. We made small talk and that was that.

A couple days after that, I get a phone call. It’s that guy, and he’s nervous as shit.
The conversation went along the lines of: “H-Hey April, it’s me, [name], from the band? Yeah, hi, well, anyway, I was wondering, well, that is if you’re not busy, well, I uhm, I was wondering if you’d uh, like to maybe grab a coffee?”

Alright, so it wasn’t creepy, but considering I was seeing someone at the time I had to let him down gently. I know it must’ve been a huuuuge deal for him to work up the guts to cold-call me and ask me out, so kudos for that. But it’s honestly not a big deal for us. All he needed to say when he came into the office was “what time do you get lunch? I was going to grab a coffee at x if you’d care to join me?”

So, my advice is – don’t get too worked up over it. We’re people too.

9. Try this easy questions


If you’re hitting on me at a bar I’m drinking at, there are easy starting lines. “You strike me as a girl who drinks whiskey, what are you ordering?” Talk to me when I’m on my own if we aren’t in a group together, and then either when I’m leaving or you’re leaving, try to get my number. It’s ok to do that in front of my friends; if you’re too shy, you can try to catch me on my own as I’m leaving. Don’t take me away from my friends unless I come to you purposely and don’t join us unless I invite you. I’m there to hang out, not to meet you, but I’m stoked if you ask me to get brunch or get drinks another night.

10. Or this one


I’ve had guys come up to me and say, “Hey, I’ve seen you around a lot lately, my name is _____, how about you?” followed by a friendly handshake.

I approve of this method, strongly. Just be honest and polite.

11. Take a genuine interest


One time I was walking around my campus with a book for the GRE and a guy came up to me out of nowhere and started talking to me about the GRE and asking questions about what I was gonna do and stuff. It was actually really sweet that he took such an interest in me and I regretted not giving him my number when he asked (I had a boyfriend at the time, so I obviously had to turn him down). I actually still regret it 4 months later.

12. Make it a group event


Also, it’s never as bad when there are more than one of you. Being in a group or with a buddy is a little more subtle.

13. Try this exhaustive list of Dos and Don’ts


I don’t get easily creeped out when guys try to talk to me, but I do have a few rules and pro tips.

Don’t: Touch me.

Don’t: Brag or give off a “you’d be lucky if I let you come home with me” vibe.

Don’t: Try to talk to me if the place is too loud, it’s just annoying to try to yell into someone’s ear to have a conversation.

Don’t: Stare at me for ages from across the room before you try to talk to me.

Don’t: Make sexual comments or innuendo in conversation.

Don’t: Try to add me as a friend on Facebook while we’re talking.

Don’t: Use a pickup line.

Don’t: Be crass or rude.

Don’t: Just say hi and then expect me to start a conversation.

Don’t: Be afraid of rejection. If I don’t want to talk to you, it’s not the end of the world. Seriously. You’ll survive. When you stop fearing rejection, you’ll find it a million times easier to talk to girls without seeming creepy, because you’ll be a million times more confident. Trust me, the “I don’t give a fuck if you want to talk to me or not, I just felt like having a conversation with someone” vibe is attractive.

Instead …

Do: Smile. A genuine smile will go a long way.

Do: Compliment me on something unrelated to my body. For example, instead of saying “You have beautiful eyes,” you could tell me that the color green I’m wearing really complements my eyes. Or that you like my necklace or my boots. As a general rule, try complimenting a woman on something that she CHOOSES, like an outfit, rather than something she has little control over, like her body type.

Do: Use your body language. Eye contact is great, since it makes people feel like they can trust you more. Keep your body relaxed and pointed in her general direction. Don’t cross your arms or stick your hands in your pockets. Don’t fidget too much. Posture is important.

Do: Try to have a legitimate reason to talk to me. Some guys will ask for directions to somewhere, or ask me what I’m drinking because it looks delicious. Sometimes it works to ask if I know the band or if I come here often. Asking a legitimate question is a good ice breaker. Even something simple like, “Do you know where the men’s room is?” can work.

Do: Have something to talk about. Even if you’re a Socially Awkward Penguin, you can still read the news, read about upcoming community events, current events, popular conversation topics, and at least be well-versed enough in those things to be able to do the whole small-talk thing. Hell, even stories and anecdotes you read on Reddit can be used in small talk (you don’t have to bring up where you read something). If a girl says “My cat did the craziest thing the other day,” you can let her tell her story and then respond with “You know, I was reading something the other day about a guy whose cat did something kind of like that …” and relate the anecdote.

Do: Be comfortable. This means being comfortable in your own skin, being confident, and not succumbing to the myth that rejection will kill you. You are here to chat, get to know me a little bit, and see how things develop later. If I feel like your only motive is sex, you will seem creepy. If I feel like you’re interested in me as a person, you might not seem creepy.

Do: Treat me like a person. Lots of other girls have said this in this thread, but seriously. Talk to me like I’m a human being. Don’t put the pussy on a pedestal, man. I’m just a girl, probably out trying to have a good time or just going about my day like anyone else. I might not even be worth your time. Don’t hang all your hopes and dreams on me the instant your eyes meet mine. Yeah. Seriously. That’s not only creepy, it’s emo as fuck and needs to not happen.

Do: Laugh. And make me laugh. But please, for the love of the flying spaghetti monster, don’t tell jokes. Life is fun and funny, you don’t need to start a sentence with, “So three guys walk into a bar …” to get a girl to laugh. Instead, relate a story about something funny or ironic or crazy that happened to you or a buddy. If you can’t think of anything, you might have bigger problems than just not being able to talk to girls. You might, in fact, need to get a life.

Do: Be positive. Don’t tell me all about how much you hate your job or your boss or your ex or your roommate’s girlfriend or your parents. Tell me about what you LIKE, what you’re passionate about, what you’re interested in. And if you are only passionate about and interested in video games, sci fi, dungeons and dragons or advice animals, the above statement about getting a life is also applicable here.

Do: Look for common ground. She was raised in Michigan? Is it as cold in Michigan as where you grew up in Montana? She likes to travel? Has she ever been to the cool spots you traveled to on your vacation last year? She likes to cook? Is her eggplant parmesan as good as the one you made your mom for her birthday?

Do: Suit up. Okay, maybe not full suits all day every day. But if I see you dressed like a douche, or a wannabe, or that WoW-playing bum on South Park, I will assume that’s what you are and will have my guard up accordingly. You can tell me not to judge books by their covers all the time, but by coming up to talk to me, you’re probably judging me by my cover, so why shouldn’t I judge you by yours? First impressions DO mean something. Make yours a good one by taking care of your body and your clothing. You don’t have to be Barney about it, but you should at least know how to dress yourself. You’re a grown ass man, after all.

Do: Be awesome. No, seriously. If you’re worth getting to know, I’ll probably be able to tell.

Do: Ask for my phone number, not to be my Facebook friend. Girls are often worried about stalker-type behavior on Facebook, so go for an old-fashioned phone call or text instead.

14. Talk about common interests


You know what’s an awesome way I have been approached that works and isn’t creepy? Talking to me like a human being instead of a piece of pork tenderloin you want to order a la cart, dude. Helpful hints are to remember to make eye contact (WITH MY EYES) and be aware of body language cues. Also if you see a girl once in a while focus on where you both are because you clearly have that in common.

“Oh I always see you hanging out at John’s parties. How do you know him?”

If you see her around school or at coffee shops focus on what she’s doing, wearing, her friend(s) or any other random common bonding element over “you’re so pretty I just had to talk to you” because to most females this is just off putting if you’re a stranger. We want to know you/us/we have things in common and if you can carry a conversation you’re golden.

15. You’re probably fine


If you’re scared about being creepy then chances are you won’t be! thumbs up. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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