30 Pieces Of Timeless Dating Advice That I Wish I’d Started Following Sooner

I’ve always known that my favorite writing subject was males. But when I found this dating cheatsheet written during my first year of college, I was stunned by all I had to say – and the foresight I had at such an impressionable age. If only I had referred to these 30 tidbits of wisdom over the last 10 years, I may just be married by now.

Nathan Walker
Nathan Walker

1. Don’t internalize what you are feeling unless you wish to one day implode. Should that happen, you’ll have caused an underlying hatred for yourself and the person who you’ve been keeping your feelings from.

2. Don’t change You. If you love something about yourself, nurture it regardless of whether the person you’re dating feels threatened by it. If they feel threatened, let them sulk. You continue to do you. Shine. You’re with yourself forever. Whoever you date, well, for the most part, they’re just passing through.

3. You are your own project, not anyone else’s. Remember that.

4. Don’t be charmed into submission. Stay sharp. Charisma is very often manipulation dressed up in a fancy suit. If you fall under this spell, whatever love you receive will really only be a love toward what he has created in you. Those that need to feel powerful are also desperately seeking confidence. Whisper a sweet blessing into their ear and be on your merry way.

5. Jealousy should never flatter you. Jealousy also never wanes. Any jealousy you are confronted with early on, assume it will get larger and worse. Assume it will create emotional chaos. Assume it will more than break your heart. Assume it will break your spirit. Is one man worth your spirit? Never. You’ve learned what you need to, now pick yourself up and go.

6. If you question a relationship right out of the gate, resolve to leave it. What you doubt in the beginning will always follow you. In fact, doubt only intensifies. Don’t betray your gut.

7. If you catch yourself playing games, sit yourself down and ask what’s really going on. What’s concerning you? What do you feel is at stake? If it’s your feelings, dive in. Feelings come and feelings go. Plus, the feelings that our stories inspire in us are eventually what comes to build our character.

8. Don’t be afraid of feeling crushed. Be afraid of living a life where your heart was never once broken. To live outside heartbreak is to live a pale existence, is to numb out. That’s nothing to glorify. So, if your heart is at stake, press on in full pursuit. You are challenging yourself. Let that excite and entice you. Let that be enough to make you proud and brave at heart. But, if your integrity is at stake, wipe your hands clean while you can. No relationship is worth losing your integrity over.

9. Games are for wussies. Don’t be one of them. Remind yourself that the second you play a game is the second you begin losing all that you were capable of having. It’s also the instant you begin to lose all that you’ve already got.

10. If you feel uncertain, hone in on what’s in question. Call it into your corner, and seek to expand your awareness. If you can’t understand something, sleep on it. But, if you keep waking up aching with uncertainty, beware that suspicion may be involved. If you are suspicious of your partner, you will know because your initial uneasiness will evolve into stress, panic, and disdain. Trust in a love so honest that it would never be something you could panic over.

11. Don’t sink into routine while you are dating. Desire will burn out.

12. Don’t garner up expectations either, as expectations rarely manifest themselves.

13. Do beware of what exactly you admire in others and bask in that recognition. Do a good favor. Create a space for those admirable qualities to come alive in. Soak “your person” in. Appreciate with ease.

14. Idealism is for the antsy. Impatience love never provides an arena for love.

15. Don’t be fooled by talk of you being some fantasy girl. Feel honored, maybe. But, maintain your humility and by all means stay wise. Fantasy girls are just that, fantasies. Men may chase them but to catch hold of them and commit themselves? Even if they had you, they’d feel forever small in your presence. It just won’t happen. Even women need something to constantly chase.

16. Affection in person is important. See whether your romance can extinguish the noise of a crowded room. Shoot for this.

17. Pay attention to the way you kiss. Kissing is the way we talk about our relationship with total transparency.

18. Don’t be fearful of your voice, it’s yours to use.

19. There’s no formula for successful dating. Love as only you can love.

20. If you get the feeling that someone is controlling every decision along the way, be careful. Inevitably even his charm will manage to bruise you. These men aren’t criminals, still take heed.

21. Remember, charm is control dressed up with lots of bells and whistles. This type is more interested in how they are portraying themselves than how they are treating you. What they are really after is you treating them as they wish to be treated. This kind of desire is agenda based. If you fall for it, expect to be nudged into all sorts of directions, all the while being tricked into thinking that every motion has always been your idea. This really is tricky and it’s also heinous. This isn’t love or lust, this a small man’s pursuit of praise. Be careful. This type is ruthless. This type is slick.

22. One of life’s greatest differences is one which is often lost on us. It goes a little something like ”I love you” versus “I’m in love with you.” Heck, I love 2 out of every 5 people I meet but I don’t know how many people I have actually ever been in love with. This is more rare. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s certainly something to acknowledge and make peace with.

23. Don’t rush yourself.

24. The image of you as a couple can often overshadow whether you are in love with the actual person and not just what the two of you represent or appear to be. Don’t label this as fraudulent. The young are always falling in love with their ego at first. Just make you sure you eventually phase out and evolve beyond the traps of envy and ego.

25. Don’t cater to anyone’s schedule. You are not a slave. You have an obligation to yourself too, by the way.

26. Do not assume the role of victim or be a blank canvas either. A blank canvas is an easy target. Stay true to you.

27. What everyone already loves about you should be a quality the person you are dating admires and appreciates you for as well. If you feel like that quality is being minimized or overlooked, you will probably wind up feeling that, over time, you lost yourself in this relationship. And, do you know anyone who likes to feel lost?

28. Love can never feel natural or be sustained if it is forced.

29. Once you’re at peace with yourself alone then you can wisely give into love.

30. Aspire to cultivate such peace. Keep your lightness. And take risks.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

A Breakup Coach, Advice Columnist, and the Podcast Host of Thank You Heartbreak.

Keep up with Chelsea on Instagram and breakupward.com

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