While we’re predisposed to pay attention to red flags, we often ignore our own emotional warning signs that indicate it’s time to move on. When emotions come into play it becomes very apparent that while the “almost relationship” might work for one person, for the other, it’s time to walk away.
1. They make you feel anxious, hurt, or helpless.
Michelle Obama puts it perfectly when she says, “Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful.” Yet, somehow when you’re in a relationship that’s on the verge of ending you convince yourself that getting through the pain or the hurt will make the two of you stronger in the end. The problem is do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel those things?
2. You have a spike in self doubt.
The moment you start doubting any aspect of a relationship you’re headed down a slippery slope. You start asking questions like, “does this person really want to be with me? Is this headed in the right direction?” You begin second guessing conversations, text messages, even actions to reassure yourself that things are going well. If you have to ask yourself if things are going well, it’s probably not going well.
3. You can’t stop comparing them to your ex.
It’s easy to think that comparing someone to your ex is only a red flag if you’re comparing them unfavorably. However, spending more time than usual thinking about how the new relationship is so much better than the last, is just as bad. It might mean that you’re overcompensating for your last relationship by picking a staunch opposite, which in and of itself has some major warning sign for your current relationship.
4. They’re all your friends hear about.
Whether it’s constantly singing their praises or obsessing over one thing or another, constantly talking about your significant other shouldn’t be the only thing your friends hear from you. While many friends can understand disappearing for a bit when you’re hooked on someone new, spending all of your friend time focusing not only on yourself but on a person who’s clearly making you miserable is painful for everyone.
5. You’re constantly trying to play it cool instead of actually being cool.
If you’re finding yourself swallowing multiple emotions brought on by this person instead of being honest because you want to seem more, “chill” you’re doing yourself a disservice. Healthy relationships are easy not to sweat because you know exactly how you feel and it matches exactly how the other person feels and you’re confident enough not to pay so much attention to how you’re emotions might affect the relationship. If you’re not being yourself more times than you are, it’s time to bail.
6. You start feeling like you’re way more invested than your partner.
People who want to be with you will make sure you know how invested they are. They show it with their actions, or say it with their words and it’s perfectly clear that you are both in it the same amount. When you start feeling as if somehow the percentage isn’t 50/50 and you’re giving more than receiving you should slow your roll or close that chapter completely. However, don’t think that drawing back is always the answer in these cases. It’s one thing to get ahead of yourself accidentally and have to pump the breaks, but it’s a whole other thing when you’re completely clear on how much you want to be in a relationship with this person and have it not be returned.
7. Your gut tells you.
There are a lot of tells that it’s time to walk away from your “almost” relationship but none are a bigger warning sign than that feeling in your gut that just tells you that it’s not going anywhere. You’re gut knows when something feels forced, or wrong, or just plain not a right match no matter how much our hearts want to believe the opposite. While that person may have had great potential as a mate, their’s no better indicator that you two are just not meant to be – or not meant to be at this time, than yourself telling you it’s time to move on.